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#850524 - 11/19/12 07:49 PM Toosday's
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30021
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld magazine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


UNIVERSAL LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19.. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Airport Security Suggestion....


An engineer (ex-NASA project director) has what I think is
the near perfect solution for airport security!

*Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body
scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into
that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device
you may have on you.*

*It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this
talk about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long
and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift..*

*Case Closed!*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!

Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but he's forgotten the secret word.

Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that's named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I'd say the quickie!

Peter Marshall: Charley, true or false: every time you sneeze, your heart stops.
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, there's a few people that, whenever they sneeze, their hearts stop!

Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you've always wanted in Heaven, if you didn't get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there's an extra charge for the whitewalls.

Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.

Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party...

Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!

Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.


Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?
Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing? (Weaver and audience laughing) Now you're doing it, that's more like it.

Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.

Peter Marshall: True or false -- when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.
Charley Weaver: That's true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!

Peter Marshall: Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?
Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.

Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?
Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!

Peter Marshall: In a recent TV Guide interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?
Charley Weaver: Four letter words! (correct answer: shyness)

Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!

Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?
Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.

Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?
Charley Weaver: Winter.

Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?
Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?

Peter Marshall: True or false -- rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.
Charley Weaver: That's false, Peter, and we're certainly going to miss you around here!

Peter Marshall: True or false -- drinking can make you hard of hearing.
Charley Weaver: What?

Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?
Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

My day off was a blur. It was so short I don't even dismember what I did. headscratch

I suppose I had fun. I think there was a little dog running circles around me. puppy

Maybe I was too dizzy to remember anything. crazy

Oh yeah. I know that I didn't find any points at the creek.

I think on my next vacation I'll go to the Little Big Horn and head hunt.

The points I find though are anywhere from 500 to 5000 years old, so I doubt I'll find any there. duh

Mom always talks about finding arrowheads around here when her and her siblings were kids, and they would just throw them at each other and forget about them. shocked

I asked her where they threw them and I go try and find them. She says, "Oh no. They wouldn't still be there after all this time."

I'm thinking wait a minute! They layed around out there for 500 years or more, but she thinks they got washed away since she threw them down 75 years ago? slapforehead

I think not.... shame

Now I have two more early early work days to get through before having a nutter day off.

That means getting up at 3:30 so I think I'd better get this tired old body to bed.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe



Edited by gymcandy1 (11/19/12 07:50 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#850540 - 11/19/12 10:47 PM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64906
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I remember finding arrowheads all the time at Starved Rock when we were kids and I don't have a clue what happened to them. duh I am glad you spent the day with a happy puppy though! I hope work goes well for you.

I am back in the corner again but I have to go shopping for my turkey today and then out for dinner, drinks and dancing with Sam and a few friends for the evening. woot

Have a great day everyone!
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#850552 - 11/20/12 01:58 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7651
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later wave
Have all a nice day flowers
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#850556 - 11/20/12 02:53 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6043
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula,and all who follow me in waveJoe hope the next 2 days fly by for you,Ana sounds like you'll be having some fun tonight!Haroula a nice day wished for you and all boomers.I'll put the coffee on and keep it hot turkey
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#850572 - 11/20/12 06:03 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14421
Loc: Massachusetts
good Morning Boomers

Joe, wishing you a swift two days of work.

Ana, hope your morning runs smoothly in the corner. Have fun tonight!

Cailyn, I'm ready for a nice hot cup of coffee.

Haroula, good day to you.

Not sure what's on the agenda for the day. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!


Edited by GBC (11/20/12 06:04 AM)
_________________________
Gail

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#850573 - 11/20/12 06:09 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5412
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave fall

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#850584 - 11/20/12 07:06 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Online   content
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8066
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. I need to finish decorating the inside today. The boys should be home in time for Thanksgiving if all goes well. Scott is having trouble with his truck. Hopefully he can get it fixed today. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderfull Tuesday. Danish and French Toast in the NC. eatfish
_________________________
Connie

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#850610 - 11/20/12 08:45 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: connie]
manxman Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/23/02
Posts: 15093
Loc: Unionville
Good morning all. wave Busy day today so I'd best get started smile
_________________________
Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.

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#850627 - 11/20/12 10:00 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: manxman]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9365
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Happy Toosday's tooooooo yoooooouuuuu!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

One more day, then four days off! woot

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#850629 - 11/20/12 10:18 AM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 3342
Loc: kansas
L4L, they figured out the peanut butter and cheese trick. so found an easier way of doing it.

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#850655 - 11/20/12 12:00 PM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 2081
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Tomorrow AM I'll be leaving for Dallas for Thanksgiving and as for leaving my pets I'm perfectly miserable however I can't let my family know so will dump on g'boomers. O K. dumpted. Probably all family will be there and perhaps some in-laws. It's going to be catered with extras from whole foods and central market. The C Market thing wasn't supposed to be but Tim, the host went there to order by mistake as Jamie, hostess specified W Foods. So we have extra food. My oldest daughter, Elaine, is vegan so she'll be cooking.

I've left a millionjillion notes for the guy whose feeding my pets.

Thankx Nan and all for encouraging thoughts and words.

So no g'boomer posting for a few days -so all have a fine Thanksgiving and remember Tom Turkey.

Hey Joe, we'll be kinda close to your place. When a kid I had an arrowhead collection, must have been Niagara Frontier tribes -Tuskaraga(spelling)- but eventually I threw them back into the woods.

Anyway happy Tuesday all -byebye for awhile
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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#850656 - 11/20/12 12:06 PM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 14632
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi Guys wave. I'm on a computer that's here in the apartment complex I now live at. There are two computers here for anyone to use. My computer isn't hooked up yet. Needless to say, I'm exhausted from the move but I can take my time unpacking. I hope you all are having a good day.

I think I'll be spending my Thanksgiving with my Mom. At least that's what I plan on. My car will be ready today sometime. It's been in the shop for a few days.

So I'll be able to come down to the office area to stop in at the diner until my puter is hooked up. See you guys.

MIdgie hearts
_________________________
Just do it.

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#850670 - 11/20/12 01:18 PM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42260
Loc: Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

Soot and I are running around doing all the necessary stuff before we leave tomorrow. Soot has a rather extensive errand list and I'm cleaning, cooking, charging electronics, laundrying, planning, and packing.

We had a great example of the goodness of people today. Son and I went online yesterday and purchased a family ticket to the zoo plus train rides. When son showed the printout to the ticket lady this morning (takes a month to get the actual pass) she said, "Whoa honey, you guys paid too much." So son called me and gave me her name and number. I called her back and it turned out that we bought a train ride pass for each person on the family pass, which we didn't need to do. 1 train ride pass was all we needed since we had the family pass. So hats off and a big thumbsup to our local zoo employees.

It's Iron Bowl time around here. Auburn and Al will be facing off on Sat...we will be on the road that day. Sadly, there is little reason to watch as Auburn's team is horrendously terrible this year.

Joe, may many points be in your future.

Ana, have fun!

Haroula wave

Cailyn, thanks for the coffee. I need tons of it today.

Gail,I hope something fun turns up.

Venus, wave

Manx, hope you get it all done. Do try to take 5 minutes to smell the roses (or as in my case, pet the dogs).

Woohoo Darlene, happy skooshing.

My10, so glad you are still ahead of them.

Yankee, I feel your pain. We are leaving tomorrow morning also. Doggies will be here with son. I know the dogs will be fine, but I'm quite sure son will be uber stressed. I always call the vet to let them know the wee ones are being watched by someone else when I leave. I put a cc on file along with instructions to take care of my babies and I'll worry about cost when I get back. Of course, we've never needed that, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Have fun! How long is the drive?

Midgy, so glad you can get on. I think your new digs are going to be soooooo much better than where you were before. puppy

Okay, off to get to work. turkey
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#850673 - 11/20/12 01:20 PM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 03/12/06
Posts: 3270
Loc: Oregon
Good Morning Boomers! Well, we survived the storm, now just rain and more rain and possible gusts up to 50. After yesterday, that is do-able!! Lost electricity twice for several hours and that was the darkest day!!! And my phone was loosing charge...need to take it in to the battery exchange. Running to town for some last minute items. Cooking a turkey dinner tomorrow and going to MIL's on The Day. Off I go and to all here and coming later Happy Gaming!! eatfish wave
_________________________
Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

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#850674 - 11/20/12 01:21 PM Re: Toosday's [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42260
Loc: Alabama
WooHooo Lotus, so glad ya'll are ok and that the power is back on.
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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