If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld magazine
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UNIVERSAL LAWS
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19.. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Airport Security Suggestion....
An engineer (ex-NASA project director) has what I think is
the near perfect solution for airport security!
*Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body
scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into
that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device
you may have on you.*
*It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this
talk about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long
and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift..*
*Case Closed!*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but he's forgotten the secret word.
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that's named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I'd say the quickie!
Peter Marshall: Charley, true or false: every time you sneeze, your heart stops.
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, there's a few people that, whenever they sneeze, their hearts stop!
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you've always wanted in Heaven, if you didn't get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there's an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party...
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Peter Marshall: Charles, how many balls would you expect to find on a billiard table?
Charley Weaver: How many guys are playing? (Weaver and audience laughing) Now you're doing it, that's more like it.
Peter Marshall: What famous story begins with the discovery of magic beans?
Charley Weaver: Inherit the Wind.
Peter Marshall: True or false -- when the swallows return to Capistrano, they are probably coming from Argentina.
Charley Weaver: That's true, and not only did they ruin my car, they blew up my trailer!
Peter Marshall: Does Pat Nixon think her husband is fun?
Charley Weaver: Yes, she says he's full of it.
Peter Marshall: Do rosey cheeks always mean good health?
Charley Weaver: Not if you're sitting on a radiator!
Peter Marshall: In a recent TV Guide interview, Paul Lynde said that he has been cursed with something all his life. What?
Charley Weaver: Four letter words! (correct answer: shyness)
Peter Marshall: Was there anything going on between Christopher Columbus and Queen Isabella?
Charley Weaver: Yes, and Columbus later found out that the world was round and she was flat!
Peter Marshall: Shakespeare wrote 154 of them. What are they?
Charley Weaver: Checks to Rose Marie for services rendered.
Peter Marshall: What makes water hard?
Charley Weaver: Winter.
Peter Marshall: You are a senior citizen and during the night while you are asleep, your heart beats 50 times per minute. Is there something wrong with you?
Charley Weaver: Well, let's put it this way. Could you ask me Friday's questions today?
Peter Marshall: True or false -- rumors circulate in business offices more than any place else.
Charley Weaver: That's false, Peter, and we're certainly going to miss you around here!
Peter Marshall: True or false -- drinking can make you hard of hearing.
Charley Weaver: What?
Peter Marshall: Is it possible for you to make a dog laugh?
Charley Weaver: Well, I tried to housebreak a dog once and he just laughed and laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
![wave wave](https://www.gameboomers.com/forum/images/graemlins/default_dark/wave.gif)
My day off was a blur. It was so short I don't even dismember what I did.
![headscratch headscratch](https://www.gameboomers.com/forum/images/graemlins/default_dark/headscratch.gif)
I suppose I had fun. I think there was a little dog running circles around me.
Maybe I was too dizzy to remember anything.
Oh yeah. I know that I didn't find any points at the creek.
I think on my next vacation I'll go to the Little Big Horn and head hunt.
The points I find though are anywhere from 500 to 5000 years old, so I doubt I'll find any there.
![duh duh](https://www.gameboomers.com/forum/images/graemlins/default_dark/duh.gif)
Mom always talks about finding arrowheads around here when her and her siblings were kids, and they would just throw them at each other and forget about them.
![shocked shocked](https://www.gameboomers.com/forum/images/graemlins/default_dark/shocked.gif)
I asked her where they threw them and I go try and find them. She says, "Oh no. They wouldn't still be there after all this time."
I'm thinking wait a minute! They layed around out there for 500 years or more, but she thinks they got washed away since she threw them down 75 years ago?
![slapforehead slapforehead](https://www.gameboomers.com/forum/images/graemlins/default_dark/slapforehead.gif)
I think not....
Now I have two more early early work days to get through before having a nutter day off.
That means getting up at 3:30 so I think I'd better get this tired old body to bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe