My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, "What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!"
The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot."
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
"Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
Q. Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.
Just been to the gym and there's a new machine. Only used it for an hour as I started to feel sick. Its good though, it does everything 'Kitkats, Mars bars, Snickers and crisps' !
I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
If my main parachute doesn't open and my reserve parachute doesn't open, how long till I hit the ground?
- the rest of your life...
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
This is my Friday cause I only have Sunday off, but I work from 5:00 to 1:00 today.
I'll be off early for my day off and I can get over to Mom's earlier to see Baby again.
I haven't seen her in 4 days. She must think I've forgotten about her by now.
So I'll be getting up at 3:30am.
Yesterday I was scheduled 10 to 7, but we weren't busy at all, and there were two other guys there in my department, so I left at 6 instead of 7.
I've gotta get this old dog to bed pretty asap.
We are having very cold and damp weather, and Sunday is supposed to be bad too, so I won't be hunting any heads for a while.
At least we're getting some rain in this drought stricken hole, and hopefully that's gonna uncover some points.
I guess that means I will be really dumb for a while, because I won't get the point?
Have a happy day everyone.