Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.
So, how do you tell if your throwing a successful, party? Just take this quick and simple quiz to find out!
Festivity Level One
Your guests are sitting around chatting, nibbling the party food, sipping their drinks. They are admiring your Christmas tree ornaments and stand around the piano singing carols.
Festivity Level Two
Your guests are talking loudly, occasionally to one another. They are wolfing down the food, gulping their drinks, rearranging your Christmas ornaments and sitting on the piano singing "I Gotta Be Me."
Festivity Level Three
Your guests are holding conversations with inanimate objects, gulping other peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas ornaments and dancing around the piano shouting the words to "I Can't Get No Satisfaction".
Festivity Level Four
Your guests, food smeared across their naked bodies, are capering around the burning Christmas tree in some unholy ritual. The piano is missing. Unless you rent your home, or own heavy firearms, you generally don't want your parties operating above Level Three.
And your cry baby whiny opinion would be.....?
Do I look like a people person?
This isn't an office, it's hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
Sarcasm is just one of the services we offer.
If I throw a stick will you leave??
YOU!.... Off my planet!
If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet I'll put shoes on my cats.
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
The bible was written by the same people who said the earth was flat.
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made, others will be blamed.
Ohhh, let me turn on the part of my brain that gives a darn.
Whatever look you were going for, you missed.
Well, this day was a total waste of make-up .
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Are these your eyeballs, I found them in my cleavage.
I'm not your type, I'm not inflatable.
I have a computer, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
Not all men are annoying, some are dead.
Did I mention that kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
It's not the size that coun... no wait, it's the size!
A woman's favorite position is CEO
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without the door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Too many freaks not enough circuses.
Macho law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, disorder - my work here is done.
I plead contemporary insanity.
And which dwarf are you?
How do I set the laser printer to stun?
Good morning everyboomie.
It's Like Friday for me. Woo Hoo!
I'm so happy.
I'm so tired.
I'm happily tired.
No really, I'm having extreme difficulty keeping my old peepers open.
It reminds me of that time I kept falling asleep on the couch, so I got up and went to bed.
It's dé·jà vu all over again.
I'm going to try and do it two nights in a row.
Wish me luck.
I'm wishing you all a happy day.