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#865934 - 02/02/13 09:42 PM Sunday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29943
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement.
Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000), (Snoopy)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PARAPROSDOKIANS (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous:


1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left..

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

21. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

22. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

23. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

24. I am neither for nor against apathy.

25. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

26. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

27. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

28. Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

29. The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

30. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

31. Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

32. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

33. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

34. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Booze Quotes

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
- Timothy Walsh

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- Anonymous

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
- Henny Youngman

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
- Homer Simpson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Funny, it doesn't look like a Tuesday. headscratch

WAIT!! It's a four day week for me! That means it's really actually Hump Day. penguin

No wait, I'm not THAT happy yet. Use this little guy. woot

I call him Wootie......or is it Wooter? cool

Anyway I think I'll be the cool penguin on Friday. yes

Boy if I had a nickel every time I thought that! rolleyes

I'd definitely be rich if I had a nickel every time I wished this.

Have a happy day everyone. thumbsup

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#865937 - 02/02/13 10:26 PM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64448
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
You are getting closer Joe, happy Hump Day! It should be a quiet day since it's Super Bowl Sunday.
I will be doing a repeat of every other day. lol

Have a great day everyone!

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#865951 - 02/03/13 02:16 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7479
Loc: Greece
Happy Sunday boomers,enjoy your day. smile
Here the weather is great hot and sunny happydance wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#865952 - 02/03/13 02:24 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64448
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
lol Here the weather is very cold and dark. I hope you have a great day Haroula. Are you all feeling better now?
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#865954 - 02/03/13 03:40 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7479
Loc: Greece
Yes,something with my stomach but now Im ok smile
Sorry about your weather frown wave
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#865957 - 02/03/13 04:27 AM Re: Sunday [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6007
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula and all who follow me in waveHaroula glad your feeling better,Ana it's cold here and we got a dusting of snow over night eekHopeing that's all we get!Coffee is ready have a peaceful day everyone winter
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#865958 - 02/03/13 05:00 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16861
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Joe how nice you have a short work week! Ana hope you have a stress free Sunday! Maybe you can watch the "Puppy Bowl" on animal planet this afternoon. It's always a smile maker for me. Haroula glad to hear you are feeling better. Cailyn we got a dusting of snow to but it's sooo cold! shiver Happy day wished for all! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#865961 - 02/03/13 05:02 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5329
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

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#865964 - 02/03/13 05:10 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16861
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning venus. I hope you don't ave a long work day. wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#865972 - 02/03/13 06:27 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Online   content
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14236
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, happy time is almost here for you.

Ana, enjoy whatever you do today.

Haroula, glad you're feeling better.

Cailyn, coffee please and thank you.

Gerry, same weather here.

Venus, hi and bye.

Haven't felt well the past few days but I'm feeling better today. Wishing everyone a wonderful day!

Happy game day! rah
_________________________
Gail

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#865979 - 02/03/13 07:32 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Good morning and Happy Sunday Gameboomers!

Had a little snow last night. Glad I don't have to go out. No appointments today! Yeah yay

Planning on a lazy day today. Will be busy enough tomorrow.

Have a great day everyone.

Ana hope your toe is less painful.

Sharon zombie

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#865981 - 02/03/13 07:49 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7979
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Hubby and I both have colds again. We just got over one a few weeks ago. It must be this crazy weather. Gail, I'm glad your feeling better. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Danish, Bacon Sandwiches, Cinnamon Buns, and Hot Chocolate in the NC. penguin
_________________________
Connie

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#865990 - 02/03/13 09:01 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9406
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Loved the top 34 Joe. rotfl
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#865993 - 02/03/13 09:35 AM Re: Sunday [Re: SharonB]
SharonB Offline
Settled Boomer

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 934
Loc: Delaware, USA
Did I say a lazy day? smashpc I'm trying to program a new universal remote and having a rough time of it. I have 5 or 6 remotes I want to combine. Wish me luck. help crazy

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#866005 - 02/03/13 10:51 AM Re: Sunday [Re: gymcandy1]
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/17/01
Posts: 11364
Loc: Kirkwood, MO USA
Good morning everyone.

Woke up to 3 inches of heavy wet snow. Good day to stay in. Thank you very much, think I will.

Susie and Vince will be watching the Super Bowl, we will be watching the Puppy Bowl. Much more fun. So will just have leftovers for dinner and brats for lunch.

Have a great day everyone. I'm gonna go play.

Bets
_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

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