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Monday Mourning #877380
03/31/13 11:25 PM
03/31/13 11:25 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald


One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."
The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."
The Pope says, "sure"
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."
They ask who, "The President?."
"No more important."
"The president of another country."
"No more important."
"An ambassador."
"No even more important."
"Well who is it."
"I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"
written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he
is bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the week........beginning. smirk

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly. happydance

I've tested them out personally while on tour doing my stand-up routine. thumbsup

I'm currently back at home working on my sit-on-my-buns routine. yes

Soon, however, I'll be doing research on my "lay-down" routine. tired

I'll publish my research results as soon as I complete my study, on the theory that the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep. razz

Have a happy day. yay

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877388
03/31/13 11:46 PM
03/31/13 11:46 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I hope you had a restful nights sleep and ready to do it all again. hearts

Meeting my sister in the morning at the mall and then lunch at Seasons 52 and Salsa Funk at night. We'll see if somewhere in there I get put back in the corner. In the meantime I am enjoying the break!

Have a happy day!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877396
04/01/13 02:50 AM
04/01/13 02:50 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later wave
Have all a nice day happydance


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula] #877407
04/01/13 04:17 AM
04/01/13 04:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveHope everyone enjoyed their Easter yesterday bunnyCoffee is ready it's 46 and rainy here,Ana hope you get to stay out of the corner for today! Happy day to all chocobunny


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877412
04/01/13 05:53 AM
04/01/13 05:53 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Happy Dreams Joe! sleep Ana have a fun day. dance Haroula enjoy the sunshine. cool Cailyn it's raining here too. smirk Have a great day everyone! wave


Gerry
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877416
04/01/13 06:16 AM
04/01/13 06:16 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877420
04/01/13 06:33 AM
04/01/13 06:33 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, wishing you a super good day.

Ana, I'm glad your day will be a break and a fun day!

Harola, happy day.

Cailyn, raining here too but mild. Coffee is appreciated.

Gerry, have a great day.

Venus, happy work day!

Routine morning then if it's raining all day it will be a gaming one. woot


Gail
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877429
04/01/13 06:47 AM
04/01/13 06:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,096
Marlborough USA
bunny Good Morning venus and GBC. Wishing you both a Happy Day! bunny


Gerry
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877432
04/01/13 07:07 AM
04/01/13 07:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,014
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A bank and Sam's trip today. The weather was warm and beautiful for our Easter get together. spring A good time was had by all. Everyone who is satill looking for warmer weather come and visit with us. I think winter has finely left us. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. chocobunny


Connie
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: connie] #877473
04/01/13 09:53 AM
04/01/13 09:53 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

How is everyone doing? happydance

It's a beautiful sunny Monday morning here. Too bad I'm not off today. razz

My new computer is on the truck for delivery, and I have to leave for work in less than an hour. frown

Well I've waited at least a year for it, because I kept putting it off.

I guess 8 more hours won't kill me. razz

I hope you all have a great day. rah

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877480
04/01/13 10:02 AM
04/01/13 10:02 AM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your work day goes easy peasy and enjoy your new computer!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Had a most wonderful Easter day with kids and grandbabies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877495
04/01/13 10:30 AM
04/01/13 10:30 AM
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer
my10rugrats  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,680
kansas
good chilly morning here. had to turn the heater back on after being off for 3 days.we sure did enjoy 2 days of being in the 70's but yesterday was only in the 60's. sorta, when you come in today the seal cam is back up and running , sure am glad i missed watching them while it was down. hope everyone had a blessed easter. it was just hubby, me and the dogs. granddaughter spent the week at a hotel just for the fun of it. glad it was her money, which she could of found a better way to spend it. nothing planned for here today except for trying to figure out what to fix for supper tonight. well off to find something to play

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877504
04/01/13 10:58 AM
04/01/13 10:58 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to the mall I go. yay

Have a wonderful day!

Joe, I hope your new computer is awesome! woot


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877524
04/01/13 12:05 PM
04/01/13 12:05 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Joe hope the work time flies so you can get home to try out the new computer!!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana have a fun time with your sister at the mall and enjoy lunch! Happy dancing tonight.

Haroula have a lovely day and enjoy the sun!!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee start!! Have a nice day!

Gerry hope the rain stops so you may walk outside without getting wet!

Gail Good Luck!! HUGS! Happy gaming if it is raining!!! :Lol:

Connie glad it was nice for you all yesterday!! It was sunny but really windy here and a little on the cool side. Thanks for the danish!

Darlene sounds like you had a lovely kday yesterday!!! May work all go smoothly today!

No plans till evening here then I might head to play BINGO!!

wave
Nan

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877534
04/01/13 12:34 PM
04/01/13 12:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

It's a warm and beautiful day in Alabama...windows are open and as soon as I post, I'll have to go change to shorts.

I am so sleepy with no good reason why. I fell asleep quite early last night.

We had a good day battling monsters in Castle Panic and watching the boys hunt eggs and then getting a quick meal into them before hubby took them back to mom. After they left, I fed the dogs, cleaned up the kitchen, and took my tea to bed with my book. Finished it before falling asleep. happydance

That meant I had to browse the library this morning as I needed something new to read. Put some Greorge R.R.Martin books on hold and checked out Soulless. I haven't read anything by this author before this. Always fun to find a new (to me) author.

Then I had to find something to listen to on my IPod which meant more browsing in my Audible Library. Books are downloaded and pod is charging. Have to get son to show me how to take things off my IPod, though. I don't like to have books on there that I have already listened to, but as I only use it to listen to books, I really don't know how to do anything on it. Good thing son does. lol

Now I'm heading up to "discover" what we will have for dinner tonight. I promised the Per I'd put some ham in the freezer for him to have when they are back in 4 days.

Joe, I hope the new puter is wonderful! How is mom?

Nan, win big tonight luck


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877586
04/01/13 04:10 PM
04/01/13 04:10 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good afternoon Boomers. wave


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877594
04/01/13 04:51 PM
04/01/13 04:51 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good night sleep wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877605
04/01/13 05:41 PM
04/01/13 05:41 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,848
San Diego, CA
So yard kid never showed and I got my neighbor/tenant/friend to mow my yard. Took him about an hour to do whre it takes the yard kid at least 2. Duh. Treated him to lunch at Fuddruckers and we are all happy campers (except of course the yard kid when he wanders by and sees that he has no job). I live for the moment. So I'm feeling less stressed, don't have to adjust my schedule waiting and waiting. Should have done this long ago. Live and learn.


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877610
04/01/13 05:45 PM
04/01/13 05:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Night Haroula sleep well.

Space have a lovely relaxing evening.

L4l sounds like you been busy busy surfing!! Hope you will like the new to you author!! Thanks.....I'm hoping to!! lol

wave
Nan

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #877631
04/01/13 08:35 PM
04/01/13 08:35 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Hello everybody. wave

I am at home and on my new computer. yes

Gonna take some adjusting to get used to this thing.

One thing is for sure. I am not crazy with the key board.

I may not want to keep it.

I love how light it is. My Gateway is very heavy, and hot when I use it. This HP is very cool.

I'll have to load up a demanding game.

This has a 3rd gen Core i7 processor, and better Nvidia game card.

We'll see. duh

joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877645
04/01/13 09:54 PM
04/01/13 09:54 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I have some sad news. My BIL passed away today at 2:00 this afternoon due to complications from cancer. I'm saddened, I've lost a Dear friend today. sad

Midge


Just do it.
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877646
04/01/13 09:59 PM
04/01/13 09:59 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,237
In the Naughty Corner
Oh Midgie, my heart is heavy for you. I am so sorry. May he rest in peace. Big hugs to you. hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877647
04/01/13 10:03 PM
04/01/13 10:03 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh Midgy, I'm sorry. I know that must be so hard for you all. Hugs!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877648
04/01/13 10:14 PM
04/01/13 10:14 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,973
Oh Midge. Hugs. Condolence to you, sister and other family member.

Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1] #877649
04/01/13 10:16 PM
04/01/13 10:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
I was planning on going to see him on Wednesday. I don't know what happened yet. I'll go to be with my Mom on Wednesday and tell her about Bill. My Auntie is going to go with me. Thanks for your kind words.
Thank you Ana and L4L an MaG my dear friends.

Midgie hearts sad

Last edited by Midge; 04/01/13 10:16 PM.

Just do it.
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