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#877380 - 03/31/13 11:25 PM Monday Mourning
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29995
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
"Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'" Art Buchwald


One day the Pope is coming to America in his Limo and he said to the driver, "Why don't you let me drive for ones."
The driver thinks to him self, "Well I can't say no to this guy, he's the pope." So the driver pulls over and they change places. The Pope was having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging cars. After a while the driver taps on the window and tells the Pope, "slow down a bit, you might get pulled over."
The Pope says, "ahhh, don't worry about it, I'm the Pope." So he rolls up the window and continues to drive very fast. After a few moments he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop sees the Pope and says, "oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can you hold on a minute."
The Pope says, "sure"
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to the station. He says, "guys I just pulled over some one really important."
They ask who, "The President?."
"No more important."
"The president of another country."
"No more important."
"An ambassador."
"No even more important."
"Well who is it."
"I don't know, but the Pope is their chauffeur."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman who was rather old-fashioned, delicate, and elegant - especially in her language - was planning a week's vacation in Florida so she wrote to a particular campground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "TOILET" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term "BATHROOM COMMODE." But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So, she started all over again, rewrote the letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the B.C. "Does the campground have it's own B.C.?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That B.C. business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for a while, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the location of the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:
"Dear Madam: Regret very much in the delay in answering you letter. I now take the pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people atone time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people usually take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late."

"The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was so crowded that we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now, there is a supper being planned to raise money to buy more seats. They're going to hold it in the basement of the B.C."

"I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly but it is sure no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather."

"If you do decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks."

"Remember, this is a friendly community."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone. "I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.

With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said, "Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under a hugh buck. "Where's Harry?", asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple miles up the trail," Harry's partner answered. "You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"It was a tough decision," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Harry."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly,
he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding
a frying pan in hand.

Man: "What was that for?"

Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy"
written on it?"

Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse
races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife was satisfied, and appologized for bonking him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he
is bonked on the head.

Man: "What's that for this time?"

Wife: "Your horse called."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. wave

Welcome to the week........beginning. smirk

I hope you enjoy all of the jokes thoroughly. happydance

I've tested them out personally while on tour doing my stand-up routine. thumbsup

I'm currently back at home working on my sit-on-my-buns routine. yes

Soon, however, I'll be doing research on my "lay-down" routine. tired

I'll publish my research results as soon as I complete my study, on the theory that the more I sleep, the more I want to sleep. razz

Have a happy day. yay

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#877388 - 03/31/13 11:46 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64759
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I hope you had a restful nights sleep and ready to do it all again. hearts

Meeting my sister in the morning at the mall and then lunch at Seasons 52 and Salsa Funk at night. We'll see if somewhere in there I get put back in the corner. In the meantime I am enjoying the break!

Have a happy day!

Ana wave
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#877396 - 04/01/13 02:50 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 7617
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who come in later wave
Have all a nice day happydance
_________________________

Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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#877407 - 04/01/13 04:17 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6033
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Ana,Haroula waveHope everyone enjoyed their Easter yesterday bunnyCoffee is ready it's 46 and rainy here,Ana hope you get to stay out of the corner for today! Happy day to all chocobunny
_________________________
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue

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#877412 - 04/01/13 05:53 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17045
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning Joe, Ana, Haroula and Cailyn. Happy Dreams Joe! sleep Ana have a fun day. dance Haroula enjoy the sunshine. cool Cailyn it's raining here too. smirk Have a great day everyone! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#877416 - 04/01/13 06:16 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5377
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Hello and goodbye. wave

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#877420 - 04/01/13 06:33 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 14354
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, wishing you a super good day.

Ana, I'm glad your day will be a break and a fun day!

Harola, happy day.

Cailyn, raining here too but mild. Coffee is appreciated.

Gerry, have a great day.

Venus, happy work day!

Routine morning then if it's raining all day it will be a gaming one. woot
_________________________
Gail

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#877429 - 04/01/13 06:47 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 17045
Loc: Marlborough USA
bunny Good Morning venus and GBC. Wishing you both a Happy Day! bunny
_________________________
Gerry

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#877432 - 04/01/13 07:07 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 8035
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. A bank and Sam's trip today. The weather was warm and beautiful for our Easter get together. spring A good time was had by all. Everyone who is satill looking for warmer weather come and visit with us. I think winter has finely left us. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Monday. Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Bacon Sandwiches in the NC. chocobunny
_________________________
Connie

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#877473 - 04/01/13 09:53 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: connie]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29995
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

How is everyone doing? happydance

It's a beautiful sunny Monday morning here. Too bad I'm not off today. razz

My new computer is on the truck for delivery, and I have to leave for work in less than an hour. frown

Well I've waited at least a year for it, because I kept putting it off.

I guess 8 more hours won't kill me. razz

I hope you all have a great day. rah

joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#877480 - 04/01/13 10:02 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
Darlene Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 9340
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers! Hope your work day goes easy peasy and enjoy your new computer!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Had a most wonderful Easter day with kids and grandbabies!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
_________________________
You become what you think about. Change your thoughts, change your life. - Dko

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#877495 - 04/01/13 10:30 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
my10rugrats Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/05/06
Posts: 3340
Loc: kansas
good chilly morning here. had to turn the heater back on after being off for 3 days.we sure did enjoy 2 days of being in the 70's but yesterday was only in the 60's. sorta, when you come in today the seal cam is back up and running , sure am glad i missed watching them while it was down. hope everyone had a blessed easter. it was just hubby, me and the dogs. granddaughter spent the week at a hotel just for the fun of it. glad it was her money, which she could of found a better way to spend it. nothing planned for here today except for trying to figure out what to fix for supper tonight. well off to find something to play

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#877504 - 04/01/13 10:58 AM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Online   happy
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 64759
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to the mall I go. yay

Have a wonderful day!

Joe, I hope your new computer is awesome! woot
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#877524 - 04/01/13 12:05 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13601
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe hope the work time flies so you can get home to try out the new computer!!! Thanks for the chuckles.

Ana have a fun time with your sister at the mall and enjoy lunch! Happy dancing tonight.

Haroula have a lovely day and enjoy the sun!!

Cailyn thanks for the coffee start!! Have a nice day!

Gerry hope the rain stops so you may walk outside without getting wet!

Gail Good Luck!! HUGS! Happy gaming if it is raining!!! :Lol:

Connie glad it was nice for you all yesterday!! It was sunny but really windy here and a little on the cool side. Thanks for the danish!

Darlene sounds like you had a lovely kday yesterday!!! May work all go smoothly today!

No plans till evening here then I might head to play BINGO!!

wave
Nan

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#877534 - 04/01/13 12:34 PM Re: Monday Mourning [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Online   content
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 42210
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Monday ya'll puppy

It's a warm and beautiful day in Alabama...windows are open and as soon as I post, I'll have to go change to shorts.

I am so sleepy with no good reason why. I fell asleep quite early last night.

We had a good day battling monsters in Castle Panic and watching the boys hunt eggs and then getting a quick meal into them before hubby took them back to mom. After they left, I fed the dogs, cleaned up the kitchen, and took my tea to bed with my book. Finished it before falling asleep. happydance

That meant I had to browse the library this morning as I needed something new to read. Put some Greorge R.R.Martin books on hold and checked out Soulless. I haven't read anything by this author before this. Always fun to find a new (to me) author.

Then I had to find something to listen to on my IPod which meant more browsing in my Audible Library. Books are downloaded and pod is charging. Have to get son to show me how to take things off my IPod, though. I don't like to have books on there that I have already listened to, but as I only use it to listen to books, I really don't know how to do anything on it. Good thing son does. lol

Now I'm heading up to "discover" what we will have for dinner tonight. I promised the Per I'd put some ham in the freezer for him to have when they are back in 4 days.

Joe, I hope the new puter is wonderful! How is mom?

Nan, win big tonight luck
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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