Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support
Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem;how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.
Waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check.
Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.
Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!
Soup of the Day $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day $2.50
Access to Support $1.00
TOTAL $8.50 + tax
Military Aircraft Warranty-Survey Form
Thank you for purchasing the Defender F-12 military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.
1. Personal Information
[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss
[_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other
Password: ............................... (max 8 char)
Latitude-Longitude-Altitude-Attitude:....... ........ ......... ........
2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /.......
4. Serial Number:...............................
5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift / aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
6. Please check how you became aware of the Defender F-12 product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one
7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this Defender F-12 product:
[_] Style / appearance
[_] Speed / manoeuvrability
[_] Price / value
[_] Comfort / convenience
[_] Kickback / bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] Defender F-12 reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Back room politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Central / South America
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Asia / Far East
[_] Misc. Third World countries
9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future:
[_] Color TV
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
[_] Nuclear Weapon
10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply:)
[_] Communist / Socialist
[_] Primitive / Tribal
11. How did you pay for your Defender F-12 product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Suitcases of cocaine
[_] Oil revenues
[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check
12. Your occupation...
[_] Sales / marketing
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defence Minister / General
13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Boating / sailing
[_] Running / jogging
[_] Propaganda / misinformation
[_] Destabilization / overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Interrogation / torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage / reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction
Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help Defender F-12 serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes.
Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?
Please write to:
DEFENDER F-12 CORPORATION
Military Aerospace Division
Good early early morning everyboomie.
I hope it's cloudy when I get up here at 3:30. That bright moon light is hard on the eyes, and I lost my good pair of moon glasses.
The last time I had a good moon burn my skin pealed for days.
Anyways it's back to work for me. I'm supposed to work W,T,F & be off S & S, but we have a special wheelie dealie weekend going on in the parking lot, to promote our OPE (outdoor power equipment), and some other companies are going to be there selling their equipment, such as tractors, motorcycles, trucks, etc, and I am going to work W, T, F, & Saturday
, and then take M, T, W, T, & Friday off......BIG BREATH...
At least I won't have to do my 6 day stretch this time.
That's about it.
Have a most happy day everyone.