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#890141 - 05/27/13 12:12 AM Memorial Monday
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29783
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
How beautiful is death, when earn'd by virtue!
Who would not be that youth? What pity is it
That we can die but once to serve our country!
Joseph Addison (1672 - 1719), "Cato", Act 4, Scene 4, 1713
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Technical Support
Techronia Technical Support Services
"The world of technology can be difficult for some." - Press Release

We offer a range of quality services to satisfy any possible technical support requirement. Time and time again, companies rely on our services to fish their workers out of daily situations and problems. Most companies only give you the "royal shaft" treatment, Techronia gives you the answers. We probe deep into the partially working minds of our clients and delve into their shallow waters to discover what they want from us. Whether it's the fact that they are incapable of figuring out a device like the "mouse" that 6.7 million other people know how to use, or finding that ever elusive power switch for the monitor, we are here to help.

Lets look at just some of the service offerings available from Techronia at competitive industry rates...

Techronia Phone Support

When the statement "Click Here" isn't clear enough; when "Press any key to continue..." doesn't provide enough options; when "Are you sure you wish to format non-removable device?" is just not informative enough, Techronia will be there. Tony Pallers explains, "It was about 3:45pm and we received a call from what we classify here as a Loser User... ", stopping momentarily to reminisce he continues in the sound of the users voice, "I have lost all my files! I go to drive 'A' just like the book says, and the computer says there is nothing there!" Tony continues in his normal voice, "I asked the user if he took the disk in drive A out. The user on the other end of the phone is silent for a few seconds and replies, 'yeah, why do you ask?' To which I replied, "BECAUSE YOUR FILES ARE ON THAT DISK IDIOT!" Quick, accurate service makes Techronia, support firm chart topper for the past 5 years.
Techronia Priority Out Of Hours [blip] Service

"I remember one client calling... It was about 2am and he used our Priority Out of Hours Service... He called saying that his screen was blank, his mind was blank, and he needed to start writing a presentation due to management the next morning." recalls technician Bob Goldbalm. "We immediately provided a solution, by asking the user to plug the computer in, "For the thing to work, just plug it in, moron!". "It's moments like this, to hear the squeals of glee from this moron that make me feel like I am doing my job." says Bob shaking his head in disbelief.
Techronia Group Therapy

It doesn't just end at simple phone support for our customers... Since things like, undeleteing files clients so recklessly deleted isn't always possible, we offer stupidity consultations. We open up user groups to talk about where their stupidity originated. Heredity, social status, the fact that they received a pink slip 3 weeks ago but are still working for the company, are all group discussion topics that bring subjects into the open. Although most of the clients are irreparably moronic for the rest of their lives, we can look at ways of curving the impact of their truly stupid acts from effecting the remainder of the company.
Techronia Out of Hours On-Site

It was about 11:30 on a Sunday morning, when I get a request to go onto a client site. When I arrive, a man flailing his arms comes up to me and states, "I'm trying to print this document!...And the printer wont work! Why can't you guys get this printing thing right?" the user said. I approached the printer, pointed to it, and said, "Do you know what that blinking red light next to 'PAPER JAM' means?", to which there was the usual pause and, "No?" Opening the printer I exclaimed, "It means there is a stupid paper jam, as in open the printer, and take the paper out, idiot." Our on-site support not only resolves the immediate problem, but helps instruct the user on how to resolve the problem in future incidences, rather then resorting to their usual complete display of arrogance.
For further information on these and many other services, contact 1-800-DUM-USER
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Most Embarrassing

The following are the top four winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest:


2. "It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we laying in bed, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my
girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, 'SURPRISE!' My entire family--aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and all my friends were standing there! My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an
eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again."

3. "One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear: 'PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.' That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'THUMBTACKS.' In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?'"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Stupid Questions

As far as stupid questions go, these are the stupidest...


1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

3. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say
"hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?

7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries
have a use by date?

9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a
horrible crisp no one would eat?

10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

11. What do people in China call their good plates?

12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

14. What do you call male ballerinas?

15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

16. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme [blip] why doesn't he buy his dinner?

17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

20. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe,
you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?

23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome

Happy Memorial Day! USA

As long as I've been in retail I don't remember ever having a Memorial Day OR Veteran's Day off. smirk

My sister says, "Why should YOU get Veteran's Day off? You're not even a Veterinarian. taz

"No but I still like animals." cool

As you might have guessed, I work today oops no, I mean tonight from 2:00 to 11:00.

I'm sure we'll be outta there by 10:00. thumbsup

Anyway it's two down, two to go, then two off. dance

The thought of two days off will carry me through the next two nights. yay

I hope you all have a memorable day.

joe USA
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#890145 - 05/27/13 12:40 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 63347
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Thanks for your service Joe, it is much appreciated. hearts I hope that the customers are kind to you today.

I have a houseful of people today. hearts Life is good.

Ana wave
_________________________
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

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#890153 - 05/27/13 03:29 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
traveler Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 2902
Loc: Rivellon
The answer to #20 is Yes.

Gil.
_________________________
"Best not to think about it. I don't want to fall to bits 'cos of excess existential thought."

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#890155 - 05/27/13 05:10 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16303
Loc: Marlborough USA
USA Good Morning Joe, Ana and traveler. Coffee is on.Hope you all have a wonderful day! USA
_________________________
Gerry

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#890158 - 05/27/13 05:26 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 6896
Loc: Greece
Good Morning Joe, Ana , traveler, Gerry and all wave
Have a nice day. smile
_________________________
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.





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#890166 - 05/27/13 06:22 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 16303
Loc: Marlborough USA
wave Good Morning and happy Day to you Haroula! wave
_________________________
Gerry

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#890172 - 05/27/13 07:18 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 7808
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. No special plans for the day. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Memorial Day. A Big Thanks to all who serve and all who have served our country. USA Danish, Cinnamon Buns, and Omelets with Home Fries and Toast in the NC. spring
_________________________
Connie

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#890185 - 05/27/13 08:43 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Leeana Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 04/22/01
Posts: 4044
Loc: New York
Good Morning to all my Boomie friends ... MaG the flag on the Gameboomers is flown so high, smile like angels above us .... Thank You, smile
Joe this board is always full of Great little sayings and a Joke or two I really Want you to know how appreciated I'm to come here and read them smile Thank You ....
and I too want to say .....Thank You to all who served the USA and a SPECIAL Thank You to my Deceased Dad (Army) and My Husband who is deceased (Vietnam)
Thank You both for without you I would not be here today smile USA
_________________________
'Worry looks around, sorry looks back, Faith looks up.'

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#890193 - 05/27/13 09:50 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Space Quest Fan Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 02/17/01
Posts: 9071
Loc: Columbus,Ohio USA
Loved the stupid questions Joe. lol
_________________________
It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.

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#890195 - 05/27/13 10:00 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 5226
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Happy Memorial Day, everyone. USA Spending the day with fiance today, since we're both off. We're getting ready for a late breakfast right now. thumbsup Hope everyone here has a terrific day. spring

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#890201 - 05/27/13 10:03 AM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: Space Quest Fan]
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 29783
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Good morning everybody. wave

How is everyone doing this fine day? happydance

It's a nice sunny breezy day here, but it's gonna heat up to around 90 later.

I imagine work today will be busy and grueling. razz

I can't wait. rolleyes

We haven't even gotten into Summer yet and I'm hating the heat already. sherlock

I hope it's a nice relaxing for everyone in BoomerLand. yes

USA joe
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#890237 - 05/27/13 12:09 PM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 11/29/04
Posts: 6772
Loc: San Diego, CA
Gonna be a super nice day here. Going to the 'tool' store to use some free coupons and then off to the Marina (2 streets away) to walk around the bay. Beautiful there. Birds and squirrels and ocean and boats and hopefully not too many running screaming kids on the sidewalk that goes all the way around. Last time we got run into by a pack of happy kids.

STILL no firecrackers since last Monday. It's been a whole week of quiet. Hope saying that doesn't jinx the whole thing. We see the kids that do it all over the street playing so I'm thinking maybe tonight. I've got my phone on speed dial for the cops this time and neighbor will call too on the very first POP.

Everyone have a safe and happy Memorial Day!
_________________________
WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.

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#890241 - 05/27/13 12:13 PM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 13272
Loc: northern Wisconsin
Joe thanks so much for the laughs this morning. May work fly and hope you can leave a little early!!

Ana have a lovely time with the full house. Hope all the prep is finished and you may relax and enjoy the company!

No plans here as my daughter did the BBQing yesterday and it is a good thing too. Yesterday was cool and windy but the sun was shining. Today it is cloudy and cold and really windy!! lol

lol Gil!! Have a great day!

Haroula have a lovely day!

Gerry thanks for getting the cofee going!! Have a lovely day!

venus enjoy the day with fiance!!

Connie have a lovely day and thanks for the danish!!

Leeana have a lovely day!!

Space have a lovely day!!

Prayers for the Band of Angels around all those who might be traveling today for what ever reason. May you have a safe and fun travel.

USA
Nan

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#890267 - 05/27/13 01:32 PM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
GB Reviewer Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 41474
Loc: Alabama
Magnificent Memorial Day Monday to you all USA

Hubby and I slept in a bit and then bopped out to the park with the monkeys. It was hot hot hot out there, and the 4 legged ones were tired and panting.

Then home to make smoothies and eat breakfast and feed doggies. We always leave son some smoothie but he does not like to eat early in the morning so this morning we drank it all. Just as I got the kitchen cleaned up, he came up looking for his. rotfl

So I decided to try a different recipe that had only a few ingredients. Made it, took one sip, and poured it down the sink. Bitter bitter bitter. So then made an easier one which I knew we liked.

Then up to my room to get my Fire for the Cullymonkey and now finally, sitting and sipping happydance

We are going to go to another ballgame this afternoon. It will super hot as the game is at 2. Then home to grill some baby back ribs and some corn and collapse.

I'm going to need all the energy I can find cos tomorrow is non-stop from start to finish. Wednesday we leave to go to Ohio to visit daughter. Her promotion ceremony is Thursday and she had her heart set on our being there. We will take the 2 youngest 4 legged monkeys with us and son will watch the elder 2.

Thanks Joe for opening for us.

Ana, have fun and enjoy!

Gil rotfl

Morning Gerry...

Haroula, how is life?

Connie, homefries happydance

Leanna, I'll second that!

Quest, are you off today?

Venus, enjoy!

Sorta, I hope the quiet continues.

Nan, I hope you have a great day and summer finds you eventually.

Time to scramble and get out to the game. See you when we get back wave
_________________________
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

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#890287 - 05/27/13 03:38 PM Re: Memorial Monday [Re: gymcandy1]
Yankee Clipper Offline
Addicted Boomer

Registered: 08/27/04
Posts: 1886
Loc: Lexington, Texas
Going get to 91 today -sunny and breezy -oh bring on summer. Kitties, doggy and I will be spending a quiet holiday and perhaps enjoy some epicurian delights -like chocolate dipped fruit bars (coconut) on a stick and special pet treats. BTW the fruitbars for me and teas for the 4-leggers.

Those enduring the cold, take care of yourselves and everybody celebrate Memorial Day.

On to thejigsawpuzzles .com and then Halo
_________________________
I wish I were a cat and belonged to me ~ My Aunt Helen Mary Rose

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