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#906749 - 08/09/13 12:57 AM TGIF
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32164
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Man perfected by society is the best of all animals; he is the most terrible of all when he lives without law, and without justice.

A lawyer and two friends--a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man--had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong?" the farmer asks. The Hindu holy man replies, "I, too, am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn. In my country cows are considered sacred and I can't sleep on holy ground!"

That left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but went out to the barn. Moments later there was another knock on the farmer's door. Frustrated and tired, the farmer opens the door, and there stood the pig and the cow.

A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap.

The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn't have to split theirs.

The old gentleman said, "Oh no. We've been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50."

The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, "It's his turn with the teeth."

A man is driving on a city bus with a newspaper on his knee. From time to time, he rips a piece off, ripping that piece into smaller ones and throwing them out the window. A passenger standing near him asks:
-Excuse me, why are you throwing pieces of paper out the window?
-I'm chasing away the elephants
-Chasing elephants? There aren't elephants in the city.
-Well that means it's working!

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" ask the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

The girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible
for her college class and the instructions were that it had to discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery.

She was the only one who received
an A+ and this is what she wrote:

Good God, I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?

An English tourist went to Texas, He got off the bus in Fort Worth, and asked, "Where's a good place to eat?" A man said, "Right down the road is a men's club." The man didn't realize they had a swimming pool, a work-out room, indoor squash, and racquetball. He just walked to the restaurant door and said to the waitress, "Lady, bring me a steak and a coke." The waitress brought out a mug that was 12 inches in diameter and 1 1/2 feet tall. The man said, "I just wanted a coke, not the whole factory!" She said, "Mister, this is Texas and everything's bigger in Texas." Soon she came back with his steak, and it hung over all sides of a huge Sizzling platter. He said, "Lady, I just wanted a steak, not the whole cow!" She said, "Mister, this is Texas, and everything's bigger in Texas." He finally finished his meal and asked the waitress, "Which way to the toilet?" She said, "It's down the hall, third door on the right." The man absentmindedly turned into the third door on the left and, with one step, fell into the swimming pool. "Help! Help!" he screamed. "Don't flush it!"

One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever.

The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same guy joined him.

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

Good morning everynboomie. welcome

I expected the day after yesterday to come earlier this week. headscratch

At least I hoped it would, but It's been a slow week. rolleyes

It's nothing to be unhappy about.

You know, I'm not happy because it's Friday. shame


I'm not happy because it's payday. shame


I'm not happy because I normally am a happy guy. grin

I'm not happy.............because it's not my day off. snicker

If you're confused now, then I am happy. thumbsup

Have a happy day everyone.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#906756 - 08/09/13 02:51 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 10027
Loc: Greece
Good morning boomers :)have all a happy day.
birthdaySue wave
I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

#906763 - 08/09/13 04:39 AM Re: TGIF [Re: Haroula]
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 01/08/06
Posts: 6145
Loc: Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Good morning Joe,Haroula wave Haroula thanks for the Birthday wishes! Coffee is ready I'm off to the gym,then the dogs to the groomers puppyEnjoy your Friday everyone yay
I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.


#906766 - 08/09/13 04:56 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 03/07/09
Posts: 7658
Loc: Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Friday Joe, Haroula, Cailyn and all who come in after me. wave

birthday Cailyn!

Okay, I'm off for another work whoosh. Have a great day, everyone. summer
Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?

#906769 - 08/09/13 05:36 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22735
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Haroula, Sue, and venus. birthday Happy birthday to you Sue! birthday
Joe , Haroula and venus enjoy your day! Happy Day wished for All! wave

#906775 - 08/09/13 05:53 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 07/06/07
Posts: 18262
Loc: Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, hope you get a day off soon.

Haroula, good day!

Sue, we'll serve coffee to you this morning. birthday

Venus, enjoy your work today.

Gerry, have a great day!

Nothing on the agenda today. Happy gaming to all! happydance

#906781 - 08/09/13 06:17 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer

Registered: 11/21/04
Posts: 22735
Loc: Marlborough USA
Good Morning GBC! I brought a Birthday cake for Sue too! Enjoy your day! wave

#906784 - 08/09/13 07:02 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
connie Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 07/12/02
Posts: 10218
Loc: winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Midge, positive thoughts and prayers on the way for all. hearts Sue, birthday. Birthday Cupcakes in the NC, to go with the Birthday Cake. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful TGIF. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Muffins, in the NC. summer

#906791 - 08/09/13 08:43 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
MsMercury Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/08/06
Posts: 12095
Loc: Scotland
Hiya Boomers! Hope you are all well!

birthday Cailyn!

Had a lovely day out with my sister and Diana yesterday, did lunch then a wee shopping spree and back to sister's for coffee...didn't get home til 7pm, wonderful! Today will be a family day, all the kids and grandkids will be here, sooooo looking forward to it! happydance

Hugs to all who need one, and those who don't. kissy Have a great day guys!

Mary hearts
"It's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts." puppy

I'm not getting old....just 'Marvelously Mature'! grin

#906796 - 08/09/13 09:31 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/16/05
Posts: 27577
Loc: Usually up an Alabama Tree
Good morning everyone .. I've gotten an early start on the weekend today and looking forward to three days off with L4L and the gang .. yes, I have my weekend chores but hey, it's still the weekend and that's all that matters!!

Happy Birthday Sue .. wishing you the best today and more every tomorrow!

Have a wonderful TGIT Joe Haroula Venus Gerry Gail Connie MsMary and the rest of you when you're up and at em thumbsup

L4L hearts

To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music

#906807 - 08/09/13 10:04 AM Re: TGIF [Re: soot]
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer

Registered: 02/10/00
Posts: 10366
Loc: Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your TGIF is terrific!

birthday cailyn!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies! It's the weekend!

Alrighty, gotta skoosh! See you later!
Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!

#906808 - 08/09/13 10:04 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Administrator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 75213
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Hi Ho, Hi's off to play in the woods with my daughter Sam at Starved Rock. Scared to death of contributing to my already rash covered body and wearing long pants on this beautiful day. <sigh>

Have a happy day everyone!
Don't feed the Trolls

#906811 - 08/09/13 10:08 AM Re: TGIF [Re: soot]
gymcandy1 Online   happy
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32164
Loc: Calera, Oklahoma
Good morning everyone. wave

I'm very tired, but happy because I'm one day closer to "a" day off. bravo

It's cloudy here and a chance for rain, but the radar doesn't show any close to us. smirk

Since I have to close tonight, I need to run to Walmart now and stock up on some things.

I work 1:00 to 10:00, and then get home after 10:00, shower, get to bed, and get up at 4:30 to be at work at 6:00am tomorrow morning. tired

UGH! slapforehead

I hope you all have a splendid day. rah

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats

#906822 - 08/09/13 11:37 AM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/05/04
Posts: 47534
Loc: Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

We've had a quiet morning. I've been browsing cookbooks. Now time to feed dogs and go buy a new kitchen faucet. That will be followed by bill paying which itself will be followed with a Keoki vet visit. So, today is going to be a busy one.

Ya'll be good and have fun. wave
"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras

#906829 - 08/09/13 12:10 PM Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1]
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer

Registered: 04/30/00
Posts: 15609
Loc: Massachusetts
Hi all. I'm home from work and now I have the rest of the day free. It's pouring out there so I'm just gonna find a great movie or read. I hope you're all having a good day.

Midgie hearts
Just do it.

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