If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
David Brent
~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and wife entered a dentist's office.
The Wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
You're a brave woman said the dentist. Now, Show me which tooth it is.
The wife turns to her husband and says "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun."
The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle."
"And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied, "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at," replied the doctor.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Flight Laws
No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate in the terminal.
If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence just as soon as you touch pen to paper.
If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the washroom.
The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard
~~~~~~~~~~
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was trudging through the Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried towards it, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, Do you have water?
The Jewish man replied, I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.
The Taliban shouted, Infidel! I do not need an over-priced tie! I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!
OK, OK said the old Jewish man, It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the ice cold water you need. Shalom.
Muttering, the Taliban staggered away over the hill. Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead. Your IDIOT BROTHER won't let me in without a tie!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First year students at Medical School were receiving Their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine,it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you should not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
The Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth.
"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students initially freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually
took turns sticking a finger in the anus of the corpse and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at the class and told them,
"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger but sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?"
His mate says, "No what's it like?"
The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours."
His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the heck did you manage that long?"
"I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyone.
My wife and I played Doctor, only I was always the patient.
She always gave me a diagnosis of terminal stupidity.
Since I married her, I did not need a second opinion.
Ok I had my snow day with the fire place going all day. Probably won't get any more snow for another 3 years .
It was.........cool.
After work today I'm going into battle, with all the 'other' idiots at Walmart, for some bread and milk.
Wish me luck. I hope I don't lose an arm or a hand.
I hope you all have a happy day.
joe
Remember Pearl Harbor
(Dec. 7, 1941) Surprise aerial attack by the Japanese on the U.S. naval base at Pearl Harbor on Oahu island, Hawaii, that precipitated U.S. entry into World War II. In the decade preceding the attack, U.S.-Japanese relations steadily worsened, especially after Japan entered into an alliance with the Axis powers (Germany and Italy) in 1940, and by late 1941 the U.S. had severed practically all commercial and financial relations with Japan. On November 26 a Japanese fleet sailed to a point some 275 mi (440 km) north of Hawaii, and from there about 360 planes were launched. The first dive-bomber appeared over Pearl Harbor at 7:55 (local time) and was followed by waves of torpedo planes, bombers, and fighters. Due to lax reconnaissance and the fact that many vessels were undermanned since it was a Sunday morning, the base was unable to mount an effective defense. The Arizona was completely destroyed; the Oklahoma capsized; the California, Nevada, and West Virginia sank; more than 180 aircraft were destroyed; and numerous vessels were damaged. In addition, more than 2,300 military personnel were killed. The date which will live in infamy, as U.S. Pres. Franklin Roosevelt termed it, unified the American public and swept away any earlier support of neutrality. On Dec. 8, 1941, Congress declared war on Japan. 
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Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Bets, Nan, manxman and Haroula. Joe my mom was born on December 7th so I never forget Pearl Harbor day. Ana have a stress free day. SpaceQ enjoy! Bets it is nice when you don't have to cok dinner!! Nan hope you have a relaxing day as well. Manxman and Haroula have a great day too. Coffee and Hot Chocolate are ready for All! 
