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#994168 - Yesterday at 11:17 PM Saturdiner
gymcandy1 Offline
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 30152
Loc: Mead, Oklahoma
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
~~~~~~~~~~~~

22 Things Not To Say To A Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you that guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must have been doin' at least 120 mph to keep up with me...Good job!

5. Didn't I see you get your ass kicked on COPS?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a cop.

7. I almost decided to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.

8. Bad cop! No donut!

9. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

10. Gee, Officer...that's terrific...the last officer only gave me a warning too!

11. Excuse me...is stick up hyphenated?

12. Wow, you look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.

13. Is it true that people become cops because they're too dumb to work at McDonald's?

14. I pay your salary!

15. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

16. Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.

17. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

18. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around-that's how far ahead of me they are.

19. What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.

20. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

21. Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 Magnum.

22. Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey,why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked.
The farmer then decides to try an answer, “Well if you must know, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked it over.”
“That’s not so bad,what’s the big deal?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So what happened?” the man asked again.
The farmer relenting, continued, “I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left with some rope. Then I sat down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full she took her right leg and kicked it over.”
“Again?”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So, what did you do then?” the man asked, intrigued.
“I took her right leg and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and continued to milk her, and just as I got the bucket just about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail.”
“Wow, you must have been pretty upset!” but that’s no reason to just sit here getting all depressed.”
The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.”
“So then what else did you do?” the man asked again.
“Well I didn’t have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. That’s when my pants fell down and my wife walked in…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's a smarty butt when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!!!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~

A priest, gets a haircut in a Washington barbershop,
he then asks how much he owes.

"No charge, Father"... the barber said..."I consider it
a service to the Lord."

The next morning, the barber finds two dozen small
prayer booklets on his stoop.

Two days later, a police officer comes in for a cut and
asks..."how much do I owe you?"

"No charge, officer"...the barber says..."I consider it a
service to my community."

The next morning the barber finds a dozen doughnuts
on his stoop.

A few days later a Senator walks in for a haircut..."how
much do I owe you?"...he asks.

"No charge"...the barber replied.."I consider it a service
to my country."

The next morning the barber arrives at his shop only to
find a dozen Senators waiting on his stoop!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Welcome to the weekend! santadance


I hope you're ready to have some fun. happydance12


I'm already having fun. I'm watching the Cowboys beat the snot out of the Eagles........again........for the 5th time. rotfl12


What a gift! tree


I never get tired of that. grinch


In case you can't tell, I dislike the Philismelphia Eauglies a little. razz12


Sorry, my adolescent immaturity is frothing over. woot


I'd better go clean my face up now.


Have a happy day everybody.



joe


Edited by gymcandy1 (Yesterday at 11:18 PM)
_________________________
"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

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#994169 - Yesterday at 11:37 PM Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Global Moderator PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Registered: 01/04/04
Posts: 65776
Loc: In the Naughty Corner
Glad you are enjoying your game Joe! WAtching reruns? grin12

Have a wonderful day everyone! It's a free day for me so the skies the limit!

Ana happydance12
_________________________
Don't feed the Trolls

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#994181 - 51 minutes 43 seconds ago Re: Saturdiner [Re: gymcandy1]
Haroula Offline
BAAG Specialist

Registered: 06/02/10
Posts: 8104
Loc: Greece
Good morning Joe,Ana and all who follow later. santa
Breakfast and then to the carouzels. santadance
Have all a happy day. reindeer
_________________________
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.



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