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Sunday Sunshine #1030149
08/29/15 11:36 PM
08/29/15 11:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
– Brian Gerald O’Driscoll

```````````````````````

A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, "What's this, Paw?"

The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don't know what it is!"

While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.

The father turned to his son and said, "Go get your maw!"

```````````````````````

You Must Be A Redneck If
* You recycle your own toilet paper

* Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad

* You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants.

* You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate."

* Your bumper sticker reads: "One more Whore and We Get Gore."

* The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire.

* Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck.

* You hunt from your bedroom window.

* Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

* You refrigerate your food stamps.

* You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill.

* You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween.

* Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk.

* You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives.

* You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone.

* You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum.

* You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton!

* The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I.D."..and you respond "About whut?"

* You take a beer to a job interview.

* You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater.

* When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss.

* You go to Goodwill to meet women.

* You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!

`````````````````````````````

A bit early but still very funny. duh


Valentines, Redneck Style

Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk, a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales, but I luv you anyway.

You're as graceful as okry, jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth, for which I am proud;
I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits.

And speakin' of wits, you've got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you married me back in '74.

Still them fellers at work they all want to know,
What I did to deserve such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape, yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles and stick 'em in the can.

Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger named Naomi Judd.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no far ant upon which I oft' tread.

Cut from the best pattern like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

And when you get old like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks and let grass grow up heavy.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie, with a RC cold drank,
We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart; It's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day,
From the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these will not do.
For you are too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odour,
Better than diamonds, it's a new trollin' motor.

````````````````````````

Southern Comments

Exclamations:


"Well knock me down and steal muh teeth!"

"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

Threats:

"I'll slap you so hard, your clothes will be outtastyle."

"This'll jar your preserves."

"Don't you be makin' me open a can o' whoop-ass on ya!"

Good Things/Compliments:

"Cute as a sack full of puppies."

"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."

"Gooder than grits."

The Weather:

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

Wintry roads are said to be "slicker than otter snot."

Descriptions:

A bothersome person is "like a booger that you can't thump off."

When something is bad then you say, "that ain't no count."

If something is hard to do, it's "like trying to herd cats."

"He ran like his feet was on fire and his ass was catchin."

A hectic schedule keeps you "Busier than a cat covering [blip] on a marble floor."

Insults:

"She's uglier than homemade soap."

"Your momma's so fat, when she stepped up on the scale to be weighed, it said 'To be continued.'"

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Uglier than a lard bucket full of armpits."

"The wheels still turning, but the hamsters dead"

Any insulting statement is always followed by "bless his/her heart."

Example: "She's dumber than a door knob, bless her heart."

``````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


Guess what. Tonight I not about to fall asleep. woot


That's largely because I waited too long to take my sleeping pills. oops


No, my problem tonight is that I can't sit down. shame


That's largely because I've been sitting for hours. oops


I'm replaying Prey. razz


I was engrossed. snicker


It's hard to put down a good game. wink


Now I've gotta get off my behind, and on my back.


Have a happy day everyone.


joe


There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030150
08/30/15 12:04 AM
08/30/15 12:04 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Online content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Online Content
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
I finished replaying Prey end of last year. What an awesome game! Enjoy!
Have a great day all! I'll be working all day. Playtime is over.

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030154
08/30/15 01:18 AM
08/30/15 01:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,625
northern Wisconsin
Been busy, busy here enjoying our wonderful weather while I can. Tomorrow I'm taking my great grandkids to the Children's Museum for a Bubble Festival!,!!! Should be lots and lots of fun!!!!!!

Have a lovey day everybody!!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030158
08/30/15 04:06 AM
08/30/15 04:06 AM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Haroula Offline
Adept Boomer
Haroula  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 10,027
Greece
Good morning,have a great day all. smile wave


I change all my passwords to "incorrect". So whenever I forget, it says, "your password is incorrect".

Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030162
08/30/15 05:20 AM
08/30/15 05:20 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good morning Joe, Ana, Nan, Haroula and all. Coffee is ready and tea water is simmering. Sounds like fun Joe. Sorry you have to work Ana. Should be a fun day Nan. Enjoy! Haroula have a great day too. Wishing everyone a happy day. wave


Gerry
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030169
08/30/15 07:03 AM
08/30/15 07:03 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out and some shopping today. Lots of rain from what's left of Erica. Danish, Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Sausage. Hash Browns, Biscuits, and BB Pancakes in the NC. Biscuit Bottoms for L4L. lab


Connie
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: connie] #1030173
08/30/15 08:19 AM
08/30/15 08:19 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good morning everyone. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030179
08/30/15 09:31 AM
08/30/15 09:31 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers

Joe, glad you got a chance to get some gaming in.

Ana, easy workday wishes.

Nan, enjoy the great grandkids at the Bubble Festival.

Haroula, happy day wishes.

Gerry, I'm ready for a nice hot cup of coffee. Thanks!

Connie, enjoy breakfast and shopping today.

Space, good morning!

Church this morning then going to a fun Field Day. Lots of fun stuff going on. Good food.


Gail
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030186
08/30/15 11:00 AM
08/30/15 11:00 AM
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
flutist Offline
Adept Boomer
flutist  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 11,505
Kirkwood, MO USA
Good Sunday morning to all

This has been a busy week after getting back from a 9 day vacation to Northern California.

A week or so before we left, Bill fell and landed on his hip and side. Then while he was pulling a water hose, he felt pain go down his leg. Because we did a lot of walking on our trip, (Lake Tahoe, Yosemite, Kings Canyon, Sequoia, San Francisco) he started getting worse. At breakfast one morning he took a spill and took a couple of chairs down with him. Noisy to say the least. When we got back, we got him in to an orthopedist, had an MRI and started physical therapy. Luckily, he did no damage on his falls. He has moderate to severe arthritis in the spine and spinal stenosis. On pain pills at night and exercises during the day, therapy twice a week for 4-6 weeks.

In spite of that, we had a really nice vacation. We have been to S.F., Yosemite and Sequoia but it was nice to see it all again. Got some good pics.

I am still battling the red spots. My back is covered with them. Thank God they don't itch. Doc says it is dermatitis. I'm still not sure so may get a second opinion.

Back to orchestra rehearsals. Be glad when Gary gets back next. January. Then we can start on the Chaco Canyon Project.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day. I'm going to relax, just goof off and enjoy my dogs and harass Bill if I can. lol

Bets


Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030190
08/30/15 12:14 PM
08/30/15 12:14 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
Bets!! Ha, I have the same game plan for the day with an added chore or two as got to playing games with the boys and WOM yesterday and didn't quite achieve Nirvana with weekend to-do's

Drive safe Gail

Connie...I beat L4L to the biscuit bottoms...yum yum

Hope your work day is good Ana

Have a good day Joe, SQF, Gerry, Haroula, Nan and the rest of the Diner gang when you're up and at em wave


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: flutist] #1030191
08/30/15 12:15 PM
08/30/15 12:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Hi Nan. wave

Bets I hope you both get better soon. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030196
08/30/15 12:34 PM
08/30/15 12:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Well, other than making tacos for the g'kids, I'm going to have a lazy day. Really tired for some reason wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs] #1030201
08/30/15 01:10 PM
08/30/15 01:10 PM
Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
Darlene Offline
Adept Boomer
Darlene  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 10,450
Southern California
wave Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and hope your Sunday Sunshine is super duper!

Good morning, sweet 'Boomies!

Slept in this morning. Lovely. smile Hubby is off playing raquetball this morning, then just an easy peasy day planned.

Alrighty, off to see what's afoot!


Woohoo and booyah! smile Have an easy peasy day!
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030233
08/30/15 04:01 PM
08/30/15 04:01 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Son made tacos and g'son cleaned up the kitchen. So I am now full of yummy food! wave


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030234
08/30/15 04:13 PM
08/30/15 04:13 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Hi friends. It's been a busy day so far and now I have to go back to work in about half an hour. A couple of days ago I had a minor car accident. It's really too long to go into right now. I'll tell you about it when I get home from work. I'm OK but the Chiropractor said that I did some minor damage to my neck. I've been driving a rental car while my Honda is in the shop. When I filed a claim to my insurance company they said they couldn't send an adjuster until tomorrow. I probably have the rental for another couple of days. My insurance doesn't cover for the rental....Cachink! Oh well. Staying angry doesn't help anything. I didn't get any flat tires so that's a good thing I guess. Enough of my sad report. Somebody playing the violin in the background: rotfl

Midgie hearts

Edit: I missed the BB pancakes again. Sorry Connie. That's what I get for not showing up this morning.


Just do it.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030245
08/30/15 06:40 PM
08/30/15 06:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Oh, Midgy, so sorry to hear that. It is the pits to discover something you thought was covered, isn't. Hope all is put to rights quickly. Hugs puppy


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: looney4labs] #1030248
08/30/15 07:44 PM
08/30/15 07:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
I hope your neck is OK Midge.


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1030266
08/30/15 10:11 PM
08/30/15 10:11 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. Have a good week. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Sunday Sunshine [Re: gymcandy1] #1030270
08/30/15 10:38 PM
08/30/15 10:38 PM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Tomorrow I have to wait to hear about the insurance adjuster's report. What happened is I hit a curb that was in a very bad spot in the road. Apparently I'm not the first one that hit that same curb. I was talking to a retired officer that lived right there that said I was about the 100th person that ran into that curb this year. I slammed on the brakes and broke the brake pad on the right passenger side. I talked to my mechanic and he said he can fix it. Boy, I wish I could turn back the clock. But I'm OK so I can sleep better tonight. I just want my Honda back.

I need to get some sleep now. Connie I'm hoping there are BB pancakes in the morning. smile Night all. Thanks for your kind words. You warm my heart.

Midgie hearts


Just do it.
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