A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
~ Oliver Herford ~
````````````````````````````````
I was hospitalized with an awful sinus infection that caused the entire left side of my face to swell. On the third day, the nurse led me to believe that I was finally recovering when she announced excitedly, "Look, your wrinkles are coming back!"
````````````````````````
I was having some chest pains, but my cardiologist assured me nothing was wrong. Then I told him I was planning a cruise to Alaska and asked if he had any suggestions for avoiding the discomfort.
"Have fun," he said with a straight face, "but don’t go overboard."
````````````````````````````````````
Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing at the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number. "Looks like 9 1⁄2 pounds," he offered confidently.
"This must not be your first," I said.
"Oh, yes, it’s my first."
"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?"
He shrugged. "I’m a fisherman."
`````````````````````````
A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients. Stopping at the nurses station, he carefully looked over the patient roster and jotted down the room number of everyone who had "Cath" written boldly next to his name. That, he told me, was a big mistake.
When I asked why, he replied, "It was only after I had made the rounds that I learned they were all patients with catheters."
```````````````````````````
Students in the adult French class I teach include quite a few health-care professionals. During one class, I was coughing so badly a doctor in the class raised her hand. "If you like, I could give you a prescription for that," she offered. Another hand shot up. "I could fill it for you," said a pharmacist’s assistant. Not to be outdone, a paramedic added, "And I can take you there to pick it up!"
`````````````````````````````
Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts:
"The patient refused autopsy."
"The patient has no previous history of suicides."
"She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night."
"She is numb from her toes down."
"Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities."
"Discharge status: Alive but without my permission."
``````````````````````
It was an unusually hectic evening at the emergency clinic where I work. The doctor on duty was simultaneously bombarded with questions, given forms to sign, and even asked for his dinner order.
I was in the next room, cleaning up a newly sutured wound, when I realized he hadn’t given instructions for a bandage. I poked my head out the door and asked, "What kind of dressing do you want on that?"
"Ranch," he replied.
`````````````````````````````
As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen. "That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
``````````````````````````````
I was on duty as an emergency-room technician when a father brought in his son, who had poked a tire from one of his toy trucks up his nose. The man was embarrassed, but I assured him this was something kids often do. I quickly removed the tire and they were on their way. A few minutes later, the father was back in the ER asking to talk to me in private.
Mystified, I led him to an examining room. "While we were on our way home," he began, "I was looking at that little tire and wondering, how on earth did my son get this thing stuck up his nose and…"
It took just a few seconds to get the tire out of Dad’s nose.
````````````````````````````
At the busy dental office where I work, one patient was always late. Once when I called to confirm an appointment, he said, “I’ll be about 15 minutes late. That won’t be a problem, will it?”
“No,” I told him. “We just won’t have time to give you an anesthetic.”
He arrived early.
``````````````````````````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
It promises to be a very sunny day here in the mid 60s.
My plan is to go to the creek and see how high the water is. With any luck I'll be able to find some points.
I'm giddy with anticipation.
Sunday was a surprise return of Winter, only got up to low 50s. I so glad it didn't do that on Saturday.
If the water is too high, I'll probably just throw myself in...to house cleaning, or some other boring meaningless task.
If that's too depressing I'm gonna cut my..grass.
Maybe I should just stay in bed.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
Routine doctors visit this morning. Danish, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. 
Howdy ho, sweet Joe! Thanks for the openers and enjoy hunting for points! Happy Monday Morning!
