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Sip & Surf Sunday #1142811
02/24/18 09:40 PM
02/24/18 09:40 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.

~Winston Churchill~
```````````````````

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral. "You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit." The mortician says, "We’ll take care of it, ma’am," and yells to the back, "Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

````````````

I saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to reverse and leaving the scene.

`````````

Two hunters are out in the forest when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls 911 and gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"

```````

Three men were at a bar discussing coincidences. The first man said, "My wife was reading A Tale of Two Cities and she gave birth to twins." "That’s funny," the second man remarked, "My wife was reading The Three Musketeers and she gave birth to triplets." The third man shouted, "Oh my, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my pregnant wife was reading Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves!"

```````````

An old man goes to the doctor for some tests. When he gets the results, the doctor tells him that he has bad news. The old man says, "Just give it to me straight, doc." The doctor says, "Well, you have cancer, and you have Alzheimer's." The old man says, "I guess it could be worse.......I could have cancer."

``````````

A drunk staggers out of a bar and lets go of a loud belch just as a couple are walking in the door. The man yells at the drunk, "How dare you belch before this woman!" The drunk says, "I'm sorry! I didn't know she wanted to go first."

``````````

A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai Hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience. She saw God and asked, “Is this it?” God said, “No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live.” Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction, and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation, and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, “I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?” God replied, “Shirley! I’m sorry but I didn’t recognize you!”

`````````

A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank: “This year, I can’t plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field." The son wrote back, “Papa, don’t dare plow the field. That is where I hid the money I stole.” The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they'd dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, “Now you can plant your potatoes."

```````````

When someone yawns, do deaf people think they're screaming?

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A man was involved in an auto accident. A policeman ran up to the car and asked, "Are you seriously injured?" The man said, "How should I know? I'm a doctor not a lawyer."

````````````

On a windy day, an old lady is standing on a street corner, holding on to her hat with both hands, even though her dress is flying up over her face. An old man across the street sees her and runs over. As he approaches her, he says, "Sister, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, standing over here in all this wind with your dress flying over your head, exposing your paraphernalia, and you're holding that [blip] hat with both hands. You ought to be ashamed." She looked at him and said, "Look here, fool, everything down there is 80 years old, but this hat is brand new."

``````````

Q. What do you do if attacked by a clan of clowns?

A. Go for the juggler.

```````````

Two women friends had gone out for a girls night out, and had been overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very close to a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, so she took off her panties, used them, and threw them away. Her friend however, was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the other husband and says, "These girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, "From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you!"

````````

I got pulled over by a police officer and his dog sniffs for drugs. He comes over and says to me, "My dog says you have weed in the car." I responded, "Well I don't know about that, but I want whatever got you talking to the dog!"

``````````

A drunk appears in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says, "Okay, well let's get started!"

`````````````

Good morning everyboomie. yay


Welcome to the diner, and help yourself. It's the cook's day off. razz


We had rain all morning here and into the afternoon again. There is water everywhere, and the creeks are in flood stage. joy


We finally started getting some sunshine later, and I made the run to Walmart. Big mistake! hardwall


Besides going on a Saturday being a really bad idea anyway, they were out of the products I normally buy for half of what I wanted. mad


The dogs really enjoyed being able to run in and out. lab


We even had an ice cream truck come down the street. How about that? penguin


Too bad I just started my diet. rolleyes


Ana I have a leash, but it keeps getting caught in my truck door every time I get out. wink


Soot the computer is running great, thanks!


Have a happy day everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 02/24/18 09:45 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142824
02/25/18 02:24 AM
02/25/18 02:24 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Sunday Joe and all who follow. wave

It's Saturday night, and I'm off to sleep. I just had my best voice lesson yet today, and I've been taking lessons for years, so that's saying a lot. grin Sunday it's more practice for me and maybe a game or two. woot

Hope everyone has a terrific Sunday. winter

Last edited by venus; 02/25/18 02:25 AM.

Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142835
02/25/18 06:07 AM
02/25/18 06:07 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,369
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,369
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, venus and everyone. Joe good to hear your computer is working well. Happy your voice lesson was the best venus! Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. A rainy, chilly day here today. A good day for gaming.
Wishing you all a great day! wave


Gerry
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142839
02/25/18 08:22 AM
02/25/18 08:22 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,733
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 14,733
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful Sunday. Breakfast out and some shopping today. Danish, Eggs, Grits, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, French Toast, Bacon, Ham, Sausage, and Biscuits and Gravy in the NC. wave2


Connie
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142841
02/25/18 09:59 AM
02/25/18 09:59 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
auntiegram Offline
Adept Boomer
auntiegram  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,623
northern Wisconsin
And we had more snow over night again! It can stop any time now. There is NO place to put it. lol Hopefully things will get plowed out so I can collect my snow check and have my birthday dinner with my daughter! lol

Have a lovely day everybody!!!

wave
Nan

Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142849
02/25/18 10:51 AM
02/25/18 10:51 AM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 34,873
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 34,873
Alabama
Good morning everybody laugh

woot Technology is good Joe ... especially when it's working!!!

Woo Hoo Hoo Venus ... those moments are always good! Keep up the hard work and you'll have more yes

Be safe while you're out n about Connie

Yes it is Gerry .. will be joining you after I get some gardening done wink

I hope so too Nan ... stay warm and be safe on the roads

I'll have a cuppa and Danish to go!!

wave2


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142858
02/25/18 11:22 AM
02/25/18 11:22 AM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,543
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 81,543
In the Naughty Corner
lol Joe, I think that's called a seat belt!

Last night was fantastic, the concert was phenomenal and we had so much fun! I'm severely lacking in sleep this morning but the sun is shining and life is good.

Have a wonderful day all!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Sip & Surf Sunday [Re: gymcandy1] #1142929
02/26/18 12:36 AM
02/26/18 12:36 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Good night, everyone. sleep


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
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