A positive attitude causes a chain reaction of positive thoughts, events and outcomes. It is a catalyst and it sparks extraordinary results.
Teacher: “John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?”
John: “You told me to do it without using tables.”
A kid comes home from school and so excitedly telling his dad ,daddy daddy the teacher asked a question at school today and I was the only one who answered it,
His father replies congratulations to my son I am proud but what was the question ?
Who broke the window?
A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."
Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.
Molecule 1: I just lost an electron.
Molecule 2: Are you sure?
Molecule 1: I’m positive.
Q: Why are Helium, Curium, and Barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can't heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.
What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump an inch.
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband, "What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your name never came up in the conversation."
Q: Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
A: Because he was always spotted.
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
Q: How do you count cows?
A: With a cowculator.
A man is being arrested by a female police officer, who informs him, "Anything you say can and will be held against you." The man replies, "Boobs!"
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job?
A: Because it was soda pressing.
I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.
Good moaning everyboomie.
What day is this? Oh yes, welcome to the day after yesterday!
Speaking of yesterday, it was really nice here. We didn't get above 90 degrees, and at 12:00 it was still only 80 degrees, with just a real swell wind.
I was able to get out and walk Missy 3 times.
If that didn't get her cleaned out, nothing will.
Tuesday we're forecast for 92 degrees, and Wednesday too......92.
We may have an early Fall.
Have a happy day everyone.