If you want your children to listen, try talking softly - to someone else.
~Ann Landers~
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Why did the referee have such a high phone bill?
Because he made to many calls!
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Paddy asks Murphy, 'Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards?"
Murphy replies, "If they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat!"
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Billy and Joe were huge baseball fans.
One day, both Billy and Joe made a pact that if either of them were to die; they had to come back to the other in the form of a ghost to let the other know if baseball was played in heaven.
Sure enough, Billy dies and eventually comes to Joe one night in the form of a ghost.
A startled Joe realizes it is the ghost of his deceased friend and says "Billy, it is so good to see you...so tell me, is there baseball in Heaven?".
"Well", Billy says, "I have some good news and bad news for ya.
First the good news...YES, there is baseball in heaven!".
"Thank God!" Joe shouts...
"What is the bad news?!".
"You're pitching tomorrow."
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Bill and Earl are out playing golf. They get to the 17th tee, which overlooks a small lake, and see two guys out on the lake fishing.
Bill says, "Hey Earl check out these two idiots fishing' in the rain!"
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Q. Why did the golfer wear tho pairs of pants?
A. In case he got a hole in one.
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A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer."
Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
The man, "I can't take them, tonight is the final game."
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I used to play tennis, baseball, basketball and chess, but I stopped after my son broke my playstation.
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A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.
The man then replies: Yeah, well we were married 35 years.
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Q. How many aerobics instructors does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Four!...Three!...Two!...One!
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Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
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Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
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Dad shouts ....."STOP WATCHIN P*RN....I CAN HEAR IT IN MY ROOM!"
Son: Dad...I am NOT watching p*rn..... That is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!!!
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Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
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Father: I was really good in soccer ....
Son : Have you played for Barcelona dad?
Father: Mind your school work...
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Good morning everyboomie.
Is it the weekend yet? Oh heck, I should have looked up at the title.........at the top.........that I just typed.
I'm sure glad I have to type that first. My memory is so short.
My memory is so short when it passes gas it kicks up dust.
So short.
We had a thunderstorm in the middle of the night, so I was awake comforting Missy for a while.
We almost had one this afternoon, but it thundered a few times and then shut up.
I think it passed North or South of us.
Y'all know what comes after Thursday right?........November.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe
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witter
Wishing everyone a Happy Thursday! 
I just realized it's Friday eve!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!