Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!" —
~Jack Benny~
~~~~~~~~~~~~
More Hilarious Headlines Man Executed After Long Speech
—Source: Boston Globe
~~
Man Denies Stealing FBI Car: “Just Here to Buy Cocaine”
—Source: TBO.com
~~
Local Man Fails Breathalyzer Test Despite Eating Underwear -
- Source: USA Today
~~
Lafayette Man Ticketed After Cat Refuses to Jog with Him
—Source: Denver Post
Those crazy cats.
~~
Lady Gaga Fan Dies at Concert, Recovers
—Source: The Tennessean
~~
Good Smell Perplexes New Yorkers
—Source: New York Times
~~
Florida Man Dies After Winning Live Roach-Eating Contest
—Source: USA Today
~~
Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons
—Source: Tulsa World
~~
County to Pay $250,000 to Advertise Lack of Funds
—Source: Register-Guard
~~
Chick Accuses Some of Her Male Colleagues of Sexism
—Source: LA Times
~~
Area Man Joins Organization Where Nothing Much Ever Happens
—Source: Wall Street Journal
~~
Angry Nepali Man Bites Cobra to Death in Revenge Attack
—Source: MSNBC
~~
Alton Attorney Accidentally Sues Himself
—Source: (Madison County, Illinois) Record
~~
A Fat, Mustachioed Orphan Finds a Home
—Source: New York Times
~~
Pasco Man Arrested, Says 48 Beers Was Likely Ten Too Many
—Source: St. Petersburg Times
~~
Writing newspaper copy is an art form unseen in these real headlines:
“Worker Suffers Leg Pain After Crane Drops 800-Pound Ball on His Head”
“City Unsure Why the Sewer Smells”
“Caskets Found as Workers Demolish Mausoleum”
“Statistics Show That Teen Pregnancy Drops Off Significantly After Age 25”
“Homicide Victims Rarely Talk to Police”
“Hospitals Resort to Hiring Doctors”
~~
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendants
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
—Source: Timothy Haas in Boseman Daily Chronicle
~~
Red Cross in Search of Donors With Low Blood Supply
—Source: Sandusky Register
~~
Motorcycle Deaths Drop, But Trend Is Worrisome
—Source: Yahoo.com
~~
Poverty, Hunger Go Together
—Source: The Advertiser (Bastrop, Texas); contributed by Jeneva Leifester, Bastrop, Texas
Like ebony and ivory
~~
Self-Proclaimed Invisible Man No Show at Court Hearing
—Source: The Daily Herald (Provo, Utah)
~~
Hello everybody.
How about some new headlines?
Most of these you just have to shake your head in wonder.
Have a super week my friends.
joe