These are all Rodney Dangerfield jokes. Take a couple if you wish.
-1. I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an o---- in it.
-2. Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a p------ in every room.
-3. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then -- m--.
-4. I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing p---.
-5. My wife made me join a bridge club. I j--- o-- next Tuesday.
-6. This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys l------- at me.
-7. I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor. They sent a priest up to talk to me. He said, "O- y--- m---..."
-8. I looked up my family tree and found t---e d-g- using it.
-9. I bought a perfect second car... a t-- t----.
-10. Boy what a hotel that was. Why, they stole my t---l!
-11. I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once, a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional; the knife had b----- on it.”
-12. When I was born, the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father, 'I'm very sorry. We did everything we could. But he p----- t------.
-13. A travel agent told I could spend seven nights in Hawaii… no ----, just nights.
-14. Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide.' He told me from now on I have to p-- in a------.”
15. I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician, I would be h----t.”
-16. I went to a freak show and they let me in for n------.
-17. With my wife, I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The w----- joined me.”
-18. My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys j----- c----.”
-19. My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should g--- in the d---.
-20. What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it f--- a---.
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