This year began a new phase in my life. Last Dec I was divorced after 30 yrs of marriage, turned 60 this year (very tough day) and purchased my first home. Dec 5 will be the first anniversary of my divorce and 5 months since I moved to my new home.

My marriage was shaky for 10 yrs before we came to an impass. I made a decision that he rejected but didn't file first because he was waiting/expecting/hoping I'd change my mind. Basically he didn't have the guts to do it, so I did which he used to justify telling others that I filed against him.

Within that time, my youngest sister and I had a huge argument. Now that both of our parents are gone, the friendship we had has been slowly disappearing. When I left my ex, due to emotional anxiety in each of our lives, my sister and I went thru a series of misunderstandings and miscommunications, mostly prompted by me asking for help / support in one way or another, for things my ex would have helped me with. I quickly learned that they were always busy and seemed to have no sense of the trauma I was experiencing.

Even tho I apologized for the confusion, I was shocked when she made demands of me that I refused to follow becuase they were inane. As a result, her punishment to me, was to ban me from the one event I was looking forward to for the last 3 years. I've been very supportive of her son, my nephew for many years. He got engaged to very sweet young lady.

I had been looking forward to the celebratoins, but when I refused to follow my sisters orders, I was not invited to either celebration. The hardest part, tho, is that whatever she said to her husband and her son, neither of them have contacted me in the past two years. I'm in the painful process of writing them each a letter so that I can explode my feelings.

What I face now is holidays like I've never had before. No family, no large gatherings, except for several being held at Christmas time by different departments at work and then the college closes for that week until the new year. In a way it's peaceful. I can eat and sleep when I want and am slowly making changes in the home I purchased to make it mine. And I'm planning to add a dog in the near future.

I know I'm not the first or only one spending the holidays alone and, who know, maybe I'll receive an invitation that I'm not yet aware of, still things are very different. Growing up is hard no matter what your age yet it's still good.

I'm happy for all the blessings I have, including and especially the folks at this site.

butterflybabe, I am sorry you are going through a hard time. Holidays are a tough time even for those that have close families so it is understandable that you are experiencing many different emotions.

May I suggest you volunteer somewhere where there are folks less fortunate? You will feel better about yourself for helping others and by brightening others days yours will certainly be better as well.

butterflybabe, I was going to suggest the same thing that Ana did. See if there is some opportunity to volunteer somewhere where YOU will be the one bringing a bit of joy or comfort to someone else.

I've buried two husbands and those holidays can be brutal. You have an extra measure of pain with your estrangement from your sister to deal with. But other than making your side known to the rest of her family, it sounds like you don't have a lot of control over the situation.

There is nothing to say to make it better for you, but rest assured everyone is here to offer a shoulder and a sounding board. You will get through these holidays, but hopefully an opportunity to help someone else will make it all less painful.

I remember my first home on my own too. I loved making it my very own! Enjoy that part for sure and you know where to find us!

butterflybabe,

Your friends are who your family would be if you got to pick them so I am hoping you have some friends to lean on during these tough times.My guess is that with the honesty that you have shared here that your friends would be glad to include you in their holiday plans.

I love the letter idea because it gives you the opportunity to give your side of the story and to let them know that you still have feelings for them. If nothing else they can't say she hasn't talked to us in two years anymore. Hopefully your letter will give them a reason to reach out to you.

Two things I can say for sure is that dog is God spelled backwards and I know a doggie will add love to your life everyday. The second is that your Gameboomer family will be sending prayers your way for some happiness to come to you soon. God bless.

Dear,butterflybabe

I am so sorry you are going though hard times with family...

I think we all here on GB's can relate to your heartaches..

I think maybe a Special animal is out there waiting for your love to give in your new home.

Volunteer work is also good for the soul...I volunteer at the nursing home in my town..

I will pray for you to find peace within yourself..Just remember something my Grandma told me ...You have to love yourself first...You are the most important thing in your life.

Aw butterflybabe, what can I say? Everyone before me have articulated so well. I can only agree and add my warm GB hugs to theirs. Things will get better....just so hard, the Holidays.

Butterfly, I'm with Lotus. Hugs and prayers.....

Butterflybabe I also agree with what has been said. Take comfort in knowing we are here for you with prayers and support to get you thru this difficult time.
Love & Hugs,
Gerry

Thanks for sharing with us butterflybabe. I know what you are going through. 2 divorces, one on my birthday of all things, and the other right after Christmas. And not trying to sound like I have more troubles than anyone else, my Mom died just before Christmas, and my Dad died the day after Father's Day. Not fun. Felt very alone.

And sisters, ugh, mine was estranged from everyone for years and only recently has she begun to associate with me. It's very hard. I know you feel the same with your family. They are supposed to be the ones supporting YOU when you need them.

Holidays are the pits. I've spent many Thanksgivings and Christmases and New Year's all alone. Last Thanksgiving I had a TV dinner to celebrate. Looking back, I'm smiling. It is sort of funny now.

Your friends are around you, even if just a close neighbor or here at GB will be happy to listen and perk you up a bit. I count on my neighbor/friend next door on such days. She's alone too (widowed) but we keep each other sane.

And DO get a pet. If nothing else, they actually listen without arguing with you. I talk to my cats all the time. Someday I hope to learn 'cat-ese' so we can understand each other.

And remember, with your OWN house, everything is the way you want it, nobody leaves dirty underwear on the floor, you can eat when and what you want, you can get up and go to bed when you want, AND the best part, you get exclusive use of the TV REMOTE! It's a little thing, but sure makes me happy after years of my hubby's grabbing it and me not getting to watch MY programs.

Hang in there, it will get easier. I still get 'down' around this time thinking back on all that's happened, but now it's just history and I make the best of every day I have.

Don't worry about your family, someday one of them will NEED you and then you can be the one to decide if you want to come to their aid. Keep the 'door' open. Fight back the 'get even' feelings. Hey, and if you really want some fun, send greeting cards on ALL occasions to all of them and at the very least it will get their blood pressure up having to open and read them. Yes, I've done that. Made me feel so good. At least they can't say YOU stopped contact.

Might be a long time (took my sister 20 years of estrangement) but she's back in the fold. Not a perfect happy family relationship, but at least we talk on email and I see her once or twice a year for about 2 hours when she comes down to shop around here. That works for me. Any longer and I'd go nuts with all her 'stuff'.

I'll be thinking about you this Thanksgiving Day as I eat my TV Dinner (unless I can persuade my other friend to go to a restaurant for lunch). He's resisting. I just want some Turkey and no cooking.

Prayers and calming energy coming your way, as much as I can spare.

Sorta...I just wanted to say, that was so Beautiful what you wrote.

Many <<HUGS>>> To you also..

Awwwww thanks Darleen. Didn't mean to vent myself, but I just wanted butterflybabe to know that after awhile, you can look back and laugh or at least smile at things that made you cry when the wounds were fresh.

I'm sure that 'there are many stories in the naked city' from each one of us. I'd love to find someone who never had a bad hair day and lived a perfect life. I'm still looking.

My philosophy is to let myself cry and grieve and vent for 3 days max. Then I must pick myself up, realize I'm still living and try to find happiness wherever it is.

My Dad always told me when I was sad and crying about stuff to, "Wake up and find out you are living!" Makes perfect sense now that I'm older and wiser.

So thanks Darlene for the love and for butterflybabe....YOU are going to be OK!

I wish you all the best, butterflybabe

And I think for you to get a dog would be just great.

Unconditional love on tap !!

BFB,

Just thinking about you and I hope you did get an invitation for Turkey Day. I wish you were in Ohio so you could come to my place for dinner.

Space Quest Fan, that's very sweet of you and, if I lived in Ohio, I'd accept your invite.

Thanks also to everyone for your input.I know I'm not alone and there are plenty of way to make use of the changes in my life but I'm not there just yet.

So far no volunteer opportunities grab at my heartstrings. Part of that comes from still being in shock over everything that has happened, but mostly because for the first half of my married life, we did a lot of volunteering as a couple; at old people's home and delivering hot meals.

For right now, I'm enjoying being alone, no one to compromise with and making decisions about changes in my home. Still feeling pretty discombobulated by everything and get tired very easily.

Also, the letters I'm writing are emotional therapy for me recommended by my therapist and encouraged to send them out. Not out of revenge rather to make it clear to my sister that she doesn't control my life. I also have few choice words for her husband and son. Sending them will make me feel better. Whatever happens after that is in God's hands.

Sorta, I like your idea of sending them cards just to rattle their cages. Just because my sister slammed the door doesn't mean I can't open a window once in a while to remind them I'm still around. It's just sad that my relationship with them is now irrevocably changed.

As soon as I get a dog, I'll let you know.

butterflybabe...

I hope someday you can forgive your sister for not understanding what your going though..

I also hope you can let go of all the hurt in your heart, and just except the fact that you can't change what has already been done.

I have been through much also with my brothers.. Its a very sad situation...But I have come to accept it for what it is...

So I stay to myself....

My prayers ... <<HUGS>>