I knew a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
JOHNNY CARSON
`````````````````````Neanderthal Test
Test Yourself : Are you a Neanderthal?1. Do your eyebrows meet in the middle? +5
2. Can you lock your knees in an upright position? -5
3. Got a chin? If the answer is no, +3
4. How about a forehead? If not, +3
5. Is it easy for you to balance a book on your head? +5
6. Do you ever open beer bottles with your teeth? +10
7. Are you frequently more comfortable squatting on your heels than sitting in a chair? +5
8. Is your head attached vertically to your neck? If not, +1 for every five degrees of slope.
9. Less than five feet tall? +1 for every inch under.
10. If your lower arm is shorter than your upper arm,+1 for every inch of difference.
11. Ditto for your lower and upper legs.
12. Pigeon-toed? +5
13. Have you ever felt like bashing a postal clerk with a club? You're normal--no points.
14. Is the space between your big toe and your other toes big enough to hold an apple? +5
15. Do you regularly eat apples in this fashion? +15
16. Do people think you're wearing your hair in a bun when you're not? +10
17. Can you count your vertebrae while wearing two sweaters and an overcoat? +5
18. Is your nickname "Duke", "Butch", or "Animal"? +3
Scoring0-20 points: You are a virtually pure homosapien. Feel free to build bridges, compose symphonies, and overrun the world.
20-40 points: A slight Neanderthal strain means that you will occasionally have spells of primitive behavior, crawling around on all fours and whooping wildly. If you live in California, no one will notice.
40-60 points: You can still function quite well in the modern world, but avoid eating in fancy restaurants lest your table manners give you away.
60-80 points: Your Pleistocene heritage is predominant. You should consider a career in pro football.
80-100 points: Unfortunately, your genetic makeup is Grunt City; there is no place for you in human society. A career in politics is recommended.
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Nerdy T-Shirts<-------- The information went data way --------
11th Commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's system.
2 + 2 = 5 for Extremely Large values of 2.
�640K ought to be enough for anybody.� - Bill Gates, 1981
A computer's attention span is as long as it's Power Cord.
Access denied - nah nah na nah nah!
All computers wait at the same speed.
All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSII...
Backups? We don' NEED no steenking backups.
Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay...
Best file compression around: "DEL" = 100% COMPRESSION
BREAKFAST.COM Halted... Cereal Port Not Responding
BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd Down, 4th Quarter, 5 Yards to Go!
Buy a Pentium 586/200 so you can reboot faster.
C:\> Bad command or file name! Go stand In The corner.
C:\WINDOWS C:\WINDOWS\GO C:\PC\CRAWL
C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.
COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key.
COMPUTER: A device designed to speed and automate errors.
COMPUTER UPGRADE: Take old bugs out... Put New Ones In.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C. (Y/N)?
Disinformation is not as good as datinformation.
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
E Pluribus Modem
E-mail returned to sender - insufficient voltage.
Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue...
Error? Impossible! My Modem is Error Correcting.
Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to Continue.
Ethernet (n): Something used to catch the Etherbunny.
File not found. Should I Fake It? (Y/N)
Go ahead, make my data!
Hidden DOS secret: Add BUGS=OFF to your CONFIG.SYS
If all else fails: joe-ks.com
Mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Press any key... no, No, NO!!! Not THAT one!
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...
RAM disk is not an installation procedure.
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory...
Shell to DOS... Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS...
Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...
Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope)
The name is Baud... James Baud.
Ultimate office automation: Networked Coffee.
Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!"
Who's General Failure & why is he reading My disk?
Windows: Just another pane in the glass.
`````````````````
Good morning everyboomie.
WELCOME TO THE WEEKEND!! Ours is going to be a wet one. I wish it would be 4 or 5 inches worth of wet, but I know we're not going to have any flash flooding.
Those all fell in California.
I'll probably be sitting inside, in drizzly rain for two days, with two dogs sitting at my feet staring at me, and wagging their tails.
If I could just get one good flash flood, I'd be wagging my tail too.
You know what they say about wishes though don't you?
Set a bucket out in the rain, hold out your hand, close your eyes and make a wish, and see which one fills up first.
Ok scratch that. Not a good analogy.
Have a happy day everyone.
joe