You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.
~Zach Galifianakis~
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• I’m employed at a computer security company and have a colleague whose name is M. Alware. His e-mail address is malware@company.com.
• My ex-boss’s name is R. Stone. His e-mail was stoner@company.co.in.
• My name is James Pan. Every other permutation of my name was taken (e.g., jpan, jamesp), so I’m stuck with japan@university.edu.
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How To Translate Work EmailsI have a question. = I have 18 questions.
I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it.
I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum.
Happy to discuss further. = Don’t ask me about this again.
No worries. = You really messed up this time.
Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me.
Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
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MikeUnderscore2004@yahoo.com
MikeAtYahooDotCom@hotmail.com
Mike_WardAllOneWord@yahoo.com
AAAAAAThatsSixAs@yahoo.com
1OneTheFirstJustTheNumberTheSecondSpelledOut@hotmail.com
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Before google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:
• A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”
• “Who built the English Channel?”
• “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”
• “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley
Temple doll and a teddy bear.”
• “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”
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Client to designer: “It doesn’t really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue.”
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Instagram is just Twitter for people who go outside.
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Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store?
She heard you could get thinner there.
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"I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories."—@sbellelauren
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The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback
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Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. Fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza.
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Good morning everyboomie.
I hope you all enjoy a nice relaxing Sunday.
That's a great idea. I think I'll do the same.
I'm a genious.....
Enjoy the day everyone.
joe