Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
Steven Wright (1955 - )
Sayings you'd like to see on those office inspirational posters...
If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here!
We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!
2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
If at first you don't succeed, try management.
It's only unethical if you get caught.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Never quit until you have another job.
Work harder slaves!
The beatings will continue until morale improves.
If you can read this, you're not working!
Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
Go the extra mile, it makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
Pride, commitment, teamwork - words we use to get you to work for free.
Succeed in spite of management.
Work - it isn't just for sleeping anymore.
There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
Work is accomplished by those employees who are still striving to reach their level of incompetence.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. (Project Management at its best).
If you have any problems, just call us.
What you see on the screen, you get on paper when you print.
Someone must have erased my files.
They don't make those chips anymore.
If kids use them, so can adults.
Oh yeah, it's compatible with everything.
You won't need any special training.
There's no harm in trying - nothing can go wrong.
It's the fastest model out there.
The manual explains everything.
Yes, this notebook is incredibly light weight.
Good morning someboomie, anyboomie, everyboomie.
Happy St Patrick's Day!!!
Well, they don't call me Joe Better Late Than Never for no reason.
That's one of the nicer things they call me bye the way.
That's ok though, I always get even.
When they turn their back I stick my thumbs in my ears and wave my hands, and stick my tongue out at them.
No one beats me at being nasty.
If I want to get really nasty, I have my sister move in with them.
Have a happy day everybody.