One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
Will Durant (1885 - 1981)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bored Beyond BeliefJam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.
Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
When someone says "have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.
Make a list of things to do that you have already done.
Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.
Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.
Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.
Pay your electric bill in pennies.
Drive to work in reverse.
Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.
Tell you boss to "blow it out your mule" and let him figure it out.
Polish your car with earwax.
Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.
Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
Braid the hairs in each nostril.
Write a short story using alphabet soup.
Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.
Make up a language and ask people for directions in it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's the activities guide to burning calories at work and the number of calories they consume per hour...
Beating around the bush... 75
Jumping to conclusions... 100
Climbing the walls... 150
Swallowing your pride... 50
Passing the buck... 25
Throwing your weight around... 50-300
Dragging your heels... 100
Pushing your luck... 250
Making mountains out of molehills... 500
Hitting the nail on the head... 50
Wading through paperwork... 300
Bending over backwards... 75
Jumping on the bandwagon... 200
Picking up where you left off... 250
Balancing the books... 25
Running around in circles... 350
Eating crow... 225
Tooting your own horn... 25
Climbing the ladder of success... 750
Pulling out the stops... 75
Adding fuel to the fire... 160
Wrapping it up at the day's end... 12
Making up for lost time... 150
Getting in gear...225
Getting in the groove...225
To which you may want to add your own favorite activities, including: Opening a can of worms... 50
Putting your foot in your mouth... 300
Starting the ball rolling... 90
Going over the edge... 25
Picking up the pieces after... 350
Counting eggs before they hatch... 6
Calling it quits... 2
Standing on principal... 65
Blowing a gasket... 4
Losing it... 10
~~~~~~~~~~
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon and most days the statue.
Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing him again.
I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the [blip] is the ceiling?
My reality check bounced.
On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
I don't suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Everyone is someone else's weirdo.
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.
Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
The more [blip] you put up with, the more [blip] you are going to get.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
When bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a [blip] fool about it.
There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous'.
Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of the cocktail hour.
To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.
If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried
The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Good morning everyboomie.
Welcome to the weekend!
I get to work half of it.
Jealous?
Have you ever divorced someone, and then had them for a house guest??
My sister is 'entertaining' her second ex for a day or two.
I'm not even sure her 3rd ex is a real ex yet.
I never even met that guy.
Anyway ex #2 is a real great guy...............except for his taste in women.
I hope you all have a happy day.
joe