CLARENCE DARROW
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
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At our supermarket, I noticed a woman with four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, "Mommy! Mommy!" while she tried to shop.
Finally, she blurted out, "I don’t want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!"
The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother’s dress and said softly, "Excuse me, miss."
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Once I’d finished reviewing my daughter’s homework, I gave her an impromptu quiz. “What is a group of whales called?” I asked. “I’ll give you a hint—it sounds like something you use to listen to music.”
“An iPod?” she guessed.
“Close,” I said. “But what I’m thinking of is a little smaller.”
“A Shuffle!”
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During Sunday school, the substitute teacher asked my four-year-old what his name was. "Spider-Man," said my son.
"No, I mean your real name," pressed the teacher.
My son apologized. "Oh, I"m sorry. It"s Peter Parker."
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The highlight of our zoo trip was a peacock showing off its plumage. My four-year-old son was particularly taken with it. That evening, he couldn’t wait to tell his father: "Dad, guess what! I saw a Christmas tree come out of a chicken!"
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I love playing Santa at the mall. But parents often have trouble getting young children to sit on my knee. It took a lot of coaxing for one little girl to perch there, so I got straight to the point. "What do you want most of all for Christmas?" I asked.
She answered, "Down!"
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I love playing Santa at the mall. But parents often have trouble getting young children to sit on my knee. It took a lot of coaxing for one little girl to perch there, so I got straight to the point. "What do you want most of all for Christmas?" I asked.
She answered, "Down!"
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The first time my son was on a bike with training wheels, I shouted, "Step back on the pedals and the bike will brake!"
He nodded but still rode straight into a bush.
"Why didn’t you push back on the pedals?" I asked, helping him up.
"You said if I did, the bike would break."
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A little boy went to the library to check out a book titled Comprehensive Guide for Mothers.
"Is this for your mother?" the librarian asked.
"No," said the boy.
"So why are you checking it out?"
"Because I started collecting moths last week."
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A little boy went to the library to check out a book titled Comprehensive Guide for Mothers.
"Is this for your mother?" the librarian asked.
"No," said the boy.
"So why are you checking it out?"
"Because I started collecting moths last week."
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"Boys just like one thing," my ten-year-old told a friend. Oh, no, the end of her innocence, I thought. Then she announced her finding: "PlayStations."
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My sister explained to my nephew how his voice would eventually change as he grew up. Tyler was exuberant at the prospect. "Cool!" he said. "I hope I get a German accent."
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While I was making a huge batch of snickerdoodle cookies, I asked my ten-year-old to read the recipe and ingredients off the box to me, doubling them as he went along. He did as he was told. His first instruction: "Preheat the oven to 700 degrees."
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When he received a journal as a gift, my eight-year-old son was mystified. "Mom, what am I supposed to do with this? The pages are blank."
"You write down interesting stuff that happens to you," I said.
"So it’s like a blog … on paper."
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When my ex-Marine father-in-law was at my house, our six-year-old neighbor came by to play with my kids.
I asked her if she knew who he was. She looked up at him with her big blue eyes and said, "I don’t remember what his name is, but I know he used to be a submarine."
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Good morning everyboomie.
I can't believe the weekend is over already.
My lazy Sunday included mowing the yard, and trimming it all up. After that I took my girls to the park, and then I came back home and got lazy. Except for one load of laundry.
It's a good thing I have two more days off after Monday.
Have a great day everyone.
joe
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I haven't been here for awhile just wanted to wish you all a great Monday 
Hope you get some actual relaxing in next time.
It was cute and well run. Came home and did my normal kitchen routine, and then took off to walk the neighborhood. Glad I didn't wait longer...it was HOT out there. 
