I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”
~Mitch Hedberg~
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Several years ago, our grandson Andrew slept at our house overnight. For breakfast I made pancakes, and I gave him one that was browner than the others. He told me he didn’t want that one because it was too ripe.
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One day when my son David was 5 years old, he informed me that he no longer wanted to go to day care because the other kids were all babies. He said he was a big boy and could stay home alone while I worked. So I asked him, “Who will make your lunch? You can’t reach the stove.”
He quickly replied, “I’ll make a salad.”
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My great-granddaughter Brylee was playing horse with her pappy one night. As she was sitting on his back, he asked her how old she was. Brylee said, “Pappy, you know I’m 3.”
“When will you be 4?” he asked. “When I get through being 3,” she explained.
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When my daughter Mandy was 31/2, we went to visit my grandma in the nursing home. Mandy was trying to talk to a wheelchair-bound resident but was getting little response from her. So she decided to end the conversation by looking down at the wheelchair and exclaiming, “Nice wheels!”
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Recently my wife and I were watching our grandsons, ages 3 and 4. The older boy, Owen, fell while he was playing and said, “I hurt my toe.” When I asked him which toe, he hesitated for a few seconds before replying, “the one that goes to market.”
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I was teaching my 3-year-old granddaughter, Taylor, how to shoot baskets on her child-sized basketball hoop. After missing three shots in a row, she gave me the ball and said, “Grandma, this thing doesn’t work!”
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When our son was young, his grandma joked about the Sandman and how he put kids to sleep by sprinkling “sleepy sand” in their eyes. Later that day I found Chico napping with his head in a cardboard box. When I asked him why, he said he wasn’t going to let anyone put sand in his eyes. I couldn’t convince him it was a fairy tale, because Grandma wouldn’t lie!
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When my grandson Gavin was 4 years old, he loved to “play” the piano. Once, when he was done, we forgot to close the lid to the keys. As we walked by later he said, “I better close the piano or the boogeyman will play some scary songs.”
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Some time ago, my daughter Nori was writing an essay she called, “It Takes Two to Tangle.” I tried explaining to her that the saying is actually about the tango, a very intricate dance. But I guess it is true that the two dancers may tangle if they don’t watch their steps.
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My son Ryan was 2 years old when his daddy took him out to the little trout pond we built in our backyard. His dad spent a few minutes showing Ryan how to throw the line in the water to catch a fish. Then he said, “OK, son, throw it in.” Ryan threw the entire pole into the water.
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Living on a farm all his life, my dad was used to climbing over fences. The quickest way was to place both hands on the top rail and bound over it. He learned to always look before leaping when, one day, a five-foot snake, sunning itself along the top rail, rose up to meet him as he used his climbing method!
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A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed and lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus and drove up over the curb, stopping inches from a large window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the driver quietly said, “Please don’t do that! You scared the daylights out of me.” The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize a tap on the shoulder could startle someone so much—to which the driver replied, “It’s really not your fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving
a hearse for 25 years.”
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When I was teaching kindergarten and had a cold, I would often get laryngitis with it. One day a student asked me, “Do you have a frog in your nose?”
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Getting two young children and myself dressed and ready for church was challenging. As we rushed out the door, I knew it was going to be a close call getting there on time. The usher greeted me and quickly guided me toward the front row. Once seated, I immediately felt like I was being watched.
After what felt like eternity but was only a few minutes, a lady tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Do you realize you have curlers in your hair?” I had rushed out so fast I forgot about the curlers. Needless to say, I was so embarrassed I felt like crawling under the seat.
Now I check the back of my head before leaving home, and
I sit in the back of the church.
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As I was driving the other day, I saw a sign on a business that read “Whistlepig Alley Antiques.” It reminded me of an event that happened many years ago when I was living in the community of Granny Squirrel, near Andrews, North Carolina.
While watching TV one day,
I heard strange sounds. I tried to not overreact, but in my mind I thought it could be ghosts, or that maybe I was hearing things.
The noise was the craziest high-pitched whistling sound.
That went on for a week; then one day my landlord told me three groundhogs had crawled under the home. Now I know why Appalachian folks call them whistle pigs. Once you hear groundhogs “speaking,” you will never forget it.
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Good morning everyboomie.
It's FRIDAY!!!But you knew that already didn't you?
Today (Thurs}, I took the old over the toilet medicine cabinet, that I had taken out of the bathroom, and I took the pedestal base off of it, then I hung it in the laundry room.
Now I have another cabinet to fill up with useless junk.
Then I received the cabinet that I ordered from Wayfair for my other bathroom, so I started assembling it. Everything was fine until I picked up the door to install it. It fell apart in my hands.
This is a 48" tall linen cabinet with a full glass panel. I was lucky the glass didn't break, but I was fuming..
There were no fasteners or binding agent that held the corners together. The only thing that held the whole door together was the clamps that held the glass in.
I contacted Wayfair, and they are supposed to send me another door.
Didn't hear from Beau's owner today, so I imagine she'll be stopping by tomorrow.
Have a happy Friday everyone.
joe
acebook
witter
hehehe i loved the wine, basketball and the wheelchair jokes omg so funny....so sorry about your door hopefully it won't be to long before you get a replacement..all the best and happy gaming 
have a relaxing bubble bath and watch a good movie after all you deserve it even though saying goodbye to a puppy 
isn't easy.. have a good evening. 
have a lovely day and enjoy your shows...happy tv
Good morning TaintedFury 