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T*G*I*F #1179642
03/07/19 07:52 PM
03/07/19 07:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, “Dude, you have to wait.”

~Mitch Hedberg~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




Several years ago, our grandson Andrew slept at our house overnight. For breakfast I made pancakes, and I gave him one that was browner than the others. He told me he didn’t want that one because it was too ripe.

````

One day when my son David was 5 years old, he informed me that he no longer wanted to go to day care because the other kids were all babies. He said he was a big boy and could stay home alone while I worked. So I asked him, “Who will make your lunch? You can’t reach the stove.”

He quickly replied, “I’ll make a salad.”

````

My great-granddaughter Brylee was playing horse with her pappy one night. As she was sitting on his back, he asked her how old she was. Brylee said, “Pappy, you know I’m 3.”

“When will you be 4?” he asked. “When I get through being 3,” she explained.

````

When my daughter Mandy was 31/2, we went to visit my grandma in the nursing home. Mandy was trying to talk to a wheelchair-bound resident but was getting little response from her. So she decided to end the conversation by looking down at the wheelchair and exclaiming, “Nice wheels!”

````

Recently my wife and I were watching our grandsons, ages 3 and 4. The older boy, Owen, fell while he was playing and said, “I hurt my toe.” When I asked him which toe, he hesitated for a few seconds before replying, “the one that goes to market.”

````

I was teaching my 3-year-old granddaughter, Taylor, how to shoot baskets on her child-sized basketball hoop. After missing three shots in a row, she gave me the ball and said, “Grandma, this thing doesn’t work!”

````

When our son was young, his grandma joked about the Sandman and how he put kids to sleep by sprinkling “sleepy sand” in their eyes. Later that day I found Chico napping with his head in a cardboard box. When I asked him why, he said he wasn’t going to let anyone put sand in his eyes. I couldn’t convince him it was a fairy tale, because Grandma wouldn’t lie!

````

When my grandson Gavin was 4 years old, he loved to “play” the piano. Once, when he was done, we forgot to close the lid to the keys. As we walked by later he said, “I better close the piano or the boogeyman will play some scary songs.”

````

Some time ago, my daughter Nori was writing an essay she called, “It Takes Two to Tangle.” I tried explaining to her that the saying is actually about the tango, a very intricate dance. But I guess it is true that the two dancers may tangle if they don’t watch their steps.

````

My son Ryan was 2 years old when his daddy took him out to the little trout pond we built in our backyard. His dad spent a few minutes showing Ryan how to throw the line in the water to catch a fish. Then he said, “OK, son, throw it in.” Ryan threw the entire pole into the water.

````

Living on a farm all his life, my dad was used to climbing over fences. The quickest way was to place both hands on the top rail and bound over it. He learned to always look before leaping when, one day, a five-foot snake, sunning itself along the top rail, rose up to meet him as he used his climbing method!

````

A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed and lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus and drove up over the curb, stopping inches from a large window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab. Then the driver quietly said, “Please don’t do that! You scared the daylights out of me.” The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize a tap on the shoulder could startle someone so much—to which the driver replied, “It’s really not your fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving 
a hearse for 25 years.”

````

When I was teaching kindergarten and had a cold, I would often get laryngitis with it. One day a student asked me, “Do you have a frog in your nose?”

````

Getting two young children and myself dressed and ready for church was challenging. As we rushed out the door, I knew it was going to be a close call getting there on time. The usher greeted me and quickly guided me toward the front row. Once seated, I immediately felt like I was being watched.

After what felt like eternity but was only a few minutes, a lady tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Do you realize you have curlers in your hair?” I had rushed out so fast I forgot about the curlers. Needless to say, I was so embarrassed I felt like crawling under the seat.
Now I check the back of my head before leaving home, and 
I sit in the back of the church.

````

As I was driving the other day, I saw a sign on a business that read “Whistlepig Alley Antiques.” It reminded me of an event that happened many years ago when I was living in the community of Granny Squirrel, near Andrews, North Carolina.

While watching TV one day, 
I heard strange sounds. I tried to not overreact, but in my mind I thought it could be ghosts, or that maybe I was hearing things. 
The noise was the craziest high-pitched whistling sound.
That went on for a week; then one day my landlord told me three groundhogs had crawled under the home. Now I know why Appalachian folks call them whistle pigs. Once you hear groundhogs “speaking,” you will never forget it.

````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


It's FRIDAY!!!



But you knew that already didn't you? wink


Today (Thurs}, I took the old over the toilet medicine cabinet, that I had taken out of the bathroom, and I took the pedestal base off of it, then I hung it in the laundry room. bravo


Now I have another cabinet to fill up with useless junk. woot


Then I received the cabinet that I ordered from Wayfair for my other bathroom, so I started assembling it. Everything was fine until I picked up the door to install it. It fell apart in my hands. shocked


This is a 48" tall linen cabinet with a full glass panel. I was lucky the glass didn't break, but I was fuming.. mad


There were no fasteners or binding agent that held the corners together. The only thing that held the whole door together was the clamps that held the glass in. slapforehead


I contacted Wayfair, and they are supposed to send me another door. woot


Didn't hear from Beau's owner today, so I imagine she'll be stopping by tomorrow.


Have a happy Friday everyone.


joe

Last edited by looney4labs; 03/08/19 04:17 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179647
03/07/19 08:42 PM
03/07/19 08:42 PM
Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
family Offline
BAAG Specialist
family  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jun 2010
Posts: 7,402
marietta,georgia
watching court shows and soap opera

Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179652
03/07/19 11:05 PM
03/07/19 11:05 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
Joe, I really hate when that happens when you put stuff together. I've had missing parts and broken parts and it's usually when you are in a hurry. At least it didn't require you to drive far to return it and they are delivering it.

family, enjoy!

Happy Friday all! I'm exhausted and can't wait! My boarder pup goes home tonight. Nugget will be happy, lol


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179660
03/08/19 03:34 AM
03/08/19 03:34 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hello Joe sherlock hehehe i loved the wine, basketball and the wheelchair jokes omg so funny....so sorry about your door hopefully it won't be to long before you get a replacement..all the best and happy gaming dance

Ana grinhave a relaxing bubble bath and watch a good movie after all you deserve it even though saying goodbye to a puppy puppyisn't easy.. have a good evening. urock

family monkyhave a lovely day and enjoy your shows...happy tv
woot

Take care all penguin witch

Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179662
03/08/19 04:36 AM
03/08/19 04:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, family, Ana, Taintedfury and everyone. Joe I hope you get that door replaced in one piece! Family enjoy! Ana hope you have a better day today! Taintedfury have a great day. Coffee, tea and hot chocolate are ready. Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday! wave wave


Gerry
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179666
03/08/19 07:10 AM
03/08/19 07:10 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Wonderful TGIF. Robert is taking me to Sarasota this weekend . It is my birthday present. We will be visiting Selby Gardens and several other places. The weather will be perfect in the low 80's Sat. and Sun. Mickey V's for dinner and Karaoke tonight. Danish, Eggs, Hash Browns, BB Pancakes, Bacon, and Biscuits in the NC. wave2


Connie
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179668
03/08/19 07:37 AM
03/08/19 07:37 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
venus Offline
BAAG Specialist
venus  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 8,379
Arcadia (twin world of Stark)
Have a great Friday, everyone. wave winter


Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Helena: Where are these mangoes?
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179715
03/08/19 04:21 PM
03/08/19 04:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's a beautiful day in AL. Blue skies, bright sun, in the 60's. I've been working in the kitchen all day....more deep cleaning done. Dinner is in the oven, and I'm going to go lie down and wrap a heating pad around my arm for a few minutes before hubby comes home with groceries to unload and put away.

Connie, enjoy Sarasota.

Ana, was your border high energy?

Joe, glad the glass didn't fall out and cut you. luck

Back later wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179745
03/08/19 11:22 PM
03/08/19 11:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,270
In the Naughty Corner
L4L, my boarder pup was an 8 month old mini Bernedoodle. She was absolutely adorable, but still a pup. Means getting up at night or early morning and bed snuggles mean face kisses and walking all over you to wake you. lol I miss her and she's only been gone a couple hours. I look forward to getting a good nights sleep though.


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179750
03/09/19 02:13 AM
03/09/19 02:13 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Addicted Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 1,169
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Thanks Kaki's Sister , hope you Connie (enjoy your birthday present) and Looney ( have a nice rest) - have a wonderful day with the best of weather. take care penguin

Re: T*G*I*F [Re: gymcandy1] #1179787
03/09/19 03:21 PM
03/09/19 03:21 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 37,661
Alabama
laugh Good morning TaintedFury joy


Dan
...
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music Stay Smart & Stay Safe
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