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TGIF #1055349
02/18/16 08:04 PM
02/18/16 08:04 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and that’s the law.

—Jerry Seinfeld

`````````````````````

I’m now in high school, so when I ran into my third-grade teacher, I doubted she would remember me.

“Hi, Miss Butcher,” I said.

“Hi, Eddie,” she replied.

“So you do remember me?” I asked.

“Sure. You don’t always leave a good impression, but it is a lasting one.”

`````````````````````

The first time my mother flew, she was a nervous wreck. During takeoff, the roar from the engines proved 
reassuring—it meant they were working, she reasoned. But when the plane leveled off, so did the engines. Grabbing the armrests, she asked aloud, “Did we stop?"

````````````````````````

My three-year-old sat in the bathroom with me, watching as I 
removed my dentures and brushed them. After a few minutes, he asked, “Can you take your ears off too?”

`````````````````````````

We were stocking up on 
green beans at the farmers’ market when we asked the young girl 
helping us for 15 pounds’ worth.

“I can only sell you ten pounds of beans,” she said.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because my scale only goes up to ten pounds.”

```````````````````````````

Dad rarely dresses up, so when he left the bedroom decked out in a suit and tie, he wanted to commemorate the moment. Handing me a camera, he asked, “Mind taking a selfie of me?”

````````````````````````````````````````````

Scene: Me driving by a Taco Bell.

Sign: Now Hiring Managers.

[Two weeks later …]

Sign: Now Hiring Managers. Background Checks Required.

``````````````````````````

A Briton flies into Australia 
and is asked by the immigration 
officer, “Do you have any felony 
convictions?”

The Briton replies, “Sorry. I didn’t realize that was still a requirement.”

``````````````````````````

We were at a red light when a car pulled up, its music blasting. “He’ll be deaf before he’s 25,” I said.

“It won’t help us,” my wife replied. “He’ll only turn it up.”

````````````````````````

Before beginning the service, our pastor read aloud a note he’d been handed moments earlier. “It says here that I should announce that there will be no B.S. tomorrow morning,” he said. He tucked the piece of paper into a pocket and added, “I’m hoping they mean ‘Bible Study.’”

````````````````````````

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi.

“It’s taped under the modem,” 
I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

```````````````````````````

We’ve been over this before: 
Stupid doesn’t play well on job interviews. Hiring managers wish these 
job seekers had gotten the memo.

• Applicant acted out a Star Trek role.
• Applicant asked for a hug.
• Applicant popped out his teeth when discussing dental benefits.
• Applicant crashed her car into 
the building.

`````````````````````````````

It’s important that soldiers 
learn from their mistakes; otherwise, they’re bound to repeat them at 
inopportune moments. Here soldiers share what they’ve gleaned from 
past gaffes:
• “I was cold” is not a sufficient 
reason for being caught in the female barracks.
• Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics.
• Do not conduct live fire exercises at the general’s (unattended) jeep, even if it’s parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone.
• Do not attempt to shave with fire.
• Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks 
so the general won’t have any questions during the inspection.

`````````````````````

On Facebook, the English 
language has few friends. 
Three examples:

Post: I can’t stand people 
that don’t know the difference between your and you’re. There so dumb.
Response: Their, their, calm down.

Post: Is it me or does nobody have manors these days?
Response: I just have a normal house.

Post: I do not have patients for stupid today.
Response: Patience.

`````````````````````````````

Events had left my son-in-
law’s sister feeling sad, and she started tearing up. Luckily, our 
two-year-old grandson was nearby 
to dispense words of wisdom. 
“Don’t cry,” he said. “Sometimes 
batteries die and toys break.”

````````````````````

While serving jury duty, 
I noticed that the defense attorney seemed a bit nervous. At one 
point, he picked up a piece of 
evidence and asked his client, who was on the witness stand, “I see 
an acronym on this receipt. What 
would CAR stand for?”
The defendant replied, “Car.”

```````````````````````

The note left on the office refrigerator was addressed to “The culprit who ate what you thought were two peanut butter ice cream bars.”

We’ll skip over the details and 
go straight to the signature: 
“Love, Constipated-Dog Owner."

```````````````````````````````````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. welcome


I hope the new day finds you all happy and healthy. yes


I had a super Spring-like Thursday. woot


I took Baby this morning and headed East out of town desperately seeking new head hunting grounds. happydance


There is a spot about half way to Soper, that is beside the Blue River, where the owner plants peanuts every year. Shane and I were always commenting about how we would love to walk that field after it been plowed up to see if native Americans had camped there by the river. Today I drove down close to the river and got out to look over the river, and a red truck pulled up behind me. I went and introduced myself and asked if it was his property. It was. I told him I was out looking for places I could hunt arrowheads, and he told me the peanut field was his, and that I could walk that field if I want to, and that lots of arrowheads have been found there. joy


He has just recently plowed the field, and I didn't waste much time getting over there to start looking. I didn't find anything but a few chips, and some pieces of broken points. He had just put in a little quick stop and gas station, and right behind it a 5 acre lake. I walked around the lake and found flint everywhere, but no points. frown


I did find a nice blade, and I asked the man if I can come back again. He said yes, and that I should come back after a good rain, which is what I had in mind. He said that's when things get washed up.


We're due some good rain on Sunday, and again Tuesday. hamster


Pray for a VERY heavy rain ok? wink


It's been over a week, but I have a 5:00 start at work Friday, so I've gotta go get ready for bed.


Have a happy day everyone.



joe



Last edited by gymcandy1; 02/18/16 08:09 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055351
02/18/16 08:10 PM
02/18/16 08:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 83,268
In the Naughty Corner
Happy Friday Joe and all!

Off to STarved Rock today to see the icefalls again before they are all gone. 60 degrees today! WooHoo!


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: TGIF [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1055354
02/18/16 08:44 PM
02/18/16 08:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
welcome Friday. happydance

Let's get this weekend started. joy


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1055358
02/18/16 09:29 PM
02/18/16 09:29 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
cailyn Offline
BAAG Specialist
cailyn  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 6,145
Somewhere ? in Massachusetts?
Happy Friday everyone rahJoe will pray for heavy rain for you!!The weather here has been a little crazy I'll get the coffee going,wishing you all a great day!! puppy wave2


I may not have gone where I intended to go,but I think I have ended up where I need to be.

Sue
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055410
02/19/16 06:51 AM
02/19/16 06:51 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good Morning Joe, Ana, SpaceQ, Sue and all. Good news Joe.Hope you've found a great hunting ground! thumbsup Ana enjoy! yes SpaceQ have a good one wave . Sue great to see you in the diner again. You've been missed. wave2 I'll put fresh coffee on and tea water too. Have a great day everyone! hamster wave


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055425
02/19/16 08:06 AM
02/19/16 08:06 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Graduate Boomer
connie  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 16,020
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone. Weather here is Beautiful too. To all here and all who stop in later, have a Great TGIF. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Sausage Biscuits in the NC. Biscuit Bottoms for L4L. hamster


Connie
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055430
02/19/16 09:01 AM
02/19/16 09:01 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers penguin

Joe, I'm so glad that you found a new place to search for heads. Good luck.

Ana, enjoy the icefalls. Great weather you're having.

Space, have a wonderful day!

Sue, how have you been? Missed you! Glad you're here!

Gerry, enjoy whatever plans you have.

Connie, hope your weather keeps up.

Wishing everyone a great day! lab


Gail
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055454
02/19/16 11:49 AM
02/19/16 11:49 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
Sonic Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 25,109
Marlborough USA
Good morning Connie, Gail and all. It's going to be a beautiful but cold day here. Off to do some shopping. Enjoy your day everyone! dance wave


Gerry
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055474
02/19/16 01:34 PM
02/19/16 01:34 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Fantastic Friday ya'll puppy

It's a beautiful day in AL...sunny, blue skies, and it's in the 60's. Hope to get the monkeys to out for a gentle walk later on today.

Joe, so glad you found a new place to hunt joy

Ana, have a blast!

Space, hope the day goes quickly so you can start your weekend.

Sue, thanks for the coffee and the tea. Makes my days easier.

Gail, have a great day!

Gerry, happy shoppity shopping!


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1055507
02/19/16 05:08 PM
02/19/16 05:08 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
The weekend is here. happydance


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055510
02/19/16 05:28 PM
02/19/16 05:28 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
Big plans, Space?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055513
02/19/16 06:13 PM
02/19/16 06:13 PM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
manxman Offline
Sonic Boomer
manxman  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 29,024
Unionville
Good evening boomer. Have a great weekend wave


Sometimes lost is where you need to be. Just because you don't know your direction doesn't mean you don't have one.
Re: TGIF [Re: gymcandy1] #1055528
02/19/16 07:52 PM
02/19/16 07:52 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Sonic Boomer
looney4labs  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,905
Alabama
You too, Manx. Anything fun planned?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: TGIF [Re: looney4labs] #1055530
02/19/16 08:17 PM
02/19/16 08:17 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Heading to a five years old's birthday party now looney. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: TGIF [Re: Space Quest Fan] #1055565
02/20/16 01:06 AM
02/20/16 01:06 AM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,783
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
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