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Tuesday's #1106838
04/10/17 10:37 PM
04/10/17 10:37 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
gymcandy1 Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
gymcandy1  Offline OP
Joe's Diner Proprietor
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,073
Calera, Oklahoma
LEONARDO DA VINCI

As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.

````````````````````

Sara was driving home from work when she noticed a Policeman following her.

"Pull over!" the cop announced.

Sara pulled over and rolled down the window as the officer approached her.

"You were exceeding the speed limit, Ma'am," the police officer said. "You are also not wearing your seat belt. I'm going to have to write you a ticket." He then wrote her $25.00 ticket.

Back home, Sara was wondering how she was going to explain this to her husband who would no doubt notice the fee in their checkbook. Suddenly she had a bright idea.

Opening the checkbook register, she made the following entry: One Pullover, $25.00.

`````````````

Rita noticed that her friend, Julie, who was standing at a distance, was having a conversation with another friend. Judging by their gestures, Rita suspected that the conversation involved a secret.

When the other woman left, Rita walked up to Julie ans asked "What did she tell you?"

"Now you know I never repeat gossip," said Julie.

"All right," Rita sighed.

Immediately, Julie whispered, "So listen carefully the first time!"

````````````````

Bob had just finished his course in journalism and joined a newspaper agency. His boss sent him out on field to get some exciting news. At one place, he saw a mob gathered in a tight circle. He learnt that there was a fatal accident. Bob tried to get inside the circle but could not. He had a bright idea and shouted: “Move over, move over, I am related to the victim.”

Immediately, the crowd made space for him. Pleased with his own quick wit, Bob proceeded and reached the spot and guess what?

He saw a donkey lying dead.

````````````````

A physical instructor was giving practical demonstrations of various physical positions. He stood on his head and blood ran to his head making his face turn red. Later he asked: “When I turned upside down, blood ran to my face. Now tell me, why the same thing does not happen when I am on my feet?”

A back bencher replied: “May be because your feet are not empty?”

````````````````

Dean was suffering from bad health for some time. His eyes bulged out, his throat was swollen and he made peculiar sounds when he spoke.

The doctor declared that Dean did not have long to live. Undaunted, Dean decided to live life king size till the end. He ordered the best wines and food. He went to a tailor and ordered new shirts, trousers and suit. The tailor suggested 16 size collar. Dean insisted that he would prefer to have size 14 as he always wore that size.

The tailor suggested: “Fine sir, if you insist, I can give you size 14, but I must warn you that your size is 16. If I give you 14, your eyes will bulge out, your throat will swell and you will make croaking sound when you speak."

````````````````````

Little Tommy was sitting on the toilet pot. His mother thought he was taking too long, so she went into the bathroom to check on him. Tommy was there sitting on the toilet seat reading a book. But every few seconds, he would put the book down, grab the toilet seat with one hand, and hit himself on top of the head with the other hand.

His mother found this strange and asked: "Tommy, are you okay? You've been in here for a while."

Little Tommy replied, "I'm fine, mom, I just haven't done my potty yet."

His mother said, "That's all right, sweety, you can stay here for some more time, but why do you keep hitting yourself on the head?"

Little Tommy replied: "Works for ketchup."

``````````````

A village was facing a problem of speeding cars resulting in accidents every now and then.

The local council could not afford a speed camera, so they put up a sign saying:
Slow down Old People's Home. It had no effect.

At the next meeting, it was decided to work on the paternal instincts and put up a sign:
Danger - Children at Play.
No discernible reduction in traffic speed.

Then the chairman had a brain-wave and suggested they try a sign with:
Clothing optional Colony.

As a result of the notice, white vans and lorries crawl throughout the village now.

``````````````````

Anita gave birth to a healthy baby boy. An old aunt who came to visit her, noticed that the baby had flaming red hair.

"I see that you have black hair", she said to Anita, "What color is the fathers' hair?".

"I have no idea", answered Anita, "He was wearing a hat".

```````````````

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up at the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on pizza what you order: pepper only."

```````````````

The blind date hadn't been all that great and Susan was relieved the evening was finally over.

At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?"

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any underwear.

She took one look and said, "Nice design. Does it also come in men's sizes?"

```````````

Martin was working in a small town as branch manager of a financial institution. The rule stipulated that if a branch manager of a small branch needed leave for some reason, he had to inform the nearest city office which would send a substitute to take charge of the town office.

Martin’s wife got sick and he needed leave for a few days. The city office received a cable which read: “Wife sick, send substitute for a week.”

````````````````

Good morning everyboomie. wave2


As Monday's go, mine was pretty good, and I guess I'm ready for another Tuesday. thumbsup


It was very overcast when I got up. It was a nice cool morning. I'm still working on my flower beds, and I went outside to do some more work on it. It had these retainer blocks bordering it before, and instead of laying them down flat like they were, I decided to stand them on edge. It looks a lot better. I had to dig up three bushes first, that I didn't like where they put them. Someone didn't put a lot of forethought into where they planted the trees and bushes out there. yes


I had finished one side of the porch, and put down a barrier and brown mulch, and today I started trenching the other side of the porch for those blocks. I got about half of it dug out when it started to rain. It continued raining lightly for a couple of hours, so I went inside and ate lunch, and got a two hour nap as well. wink


When I got up, I decided to work on something else for a while. I had worn out the wire cloth on my sifter while head hunting, and I had bought a new roll of it, so I took off the old wire cloth, and replaced it with new wire cloth, and then I cut some more 2x4s and built another sifter, so I now have two sifters. bravo


My buddy Shane may be coming down here in early May to headhunt with me, and we may need two sifters. razz


After I finished that, I went back to working on the flower bed until I got all the blocks in place. Now I have to put the barrier down, and then mulch. happydance


Then I have to do the other side, (outside the fence). slapforehead


That was my Monday in a coconut shell.


Have a very happy Tuesday everyone.


joe

Last edited by gymcandy1; 04/10/17 10:46 PM.

There are no strangers here; Only friends you haven’t yet met.

William Butler Yeats
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106841
04/10/17 11:05 PM
04/10/17 11:05 PM
Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,965
MaG Offline
Sonic Boomer
MaG  Offline
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Dec 1999
Posts: 69,965
That's a lot of work, Joe! Well done. bravo

Hello everyone! wavegirl

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106842
04/10/17 11:42 PM
04/10/17 11:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,739
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,739
In the Naughty Corner
You can come here when you are done, Joe! I'd hate for you to get bored! lol You are a busy man!

MaG hearts

Have a happy day all!

Ana wave


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106857
04/11/17 04:40 AM
04/11/17 04:40 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,337
Marlborough USA
Kaki's Sister Offline
True Blue Boomer
Kaki's Sister  Offline
True Blue Boomer

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 24,337
Marlborough USA
spring bunny Good Morning Joe, MaG, Ana and everyone. It was a beautiful warm sunny day yesterday. We got up to 70+ degrees! Today we are going to hit 80 degrees and sunny! What a difference from our cold rainy damp weekend! Coffee and tea are ready. Enjoy the day everyone! bunny spring


Gerry
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106859
04/11/17 05:41 AM
04/11/17 05:41 AM
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Midge Offline
Graduate Boomer
Midge  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 15,630
Massachusetts
Good morning. It's gonna be a wonderful day today. I'm ready for some warm sunny weather. I have a busy day, I hope you all have a super day.

Midgie hearts wavegirl


Just do it.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106872
04/11/17 07:29 AM
04/11/17 07:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,880
winter springs fl.
connie Offline
Adept Boomer
connie  Offline
Adept Boomer

Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,880
winter springs fl.
Good morning everyone, have a Great Tuesday. Lunch and Netflix with a friend. Dinner, Dancing, and Karaoke tonight at Panda 8-8. Danish, Eggs, Grits, BB Pancakes, and French Toast in the NC. spring


Connie
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106875
04/11/17 07:58 AM
04/11/17 07:58 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
GBC Offline
Graduate Boomer
GBC  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 18,262
Massachusetts
Good Morning Boomers bunny

Good day wishes to everyone today. Weather is fantastic today. Won't be in the house all day. A walk with Nina this morning then getting the yard ready for Spring that finally decided to show up here. chocobunny


Gail
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106880
04/11/17 10:52 AM
04/11/17 10:52 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
Terrific Tuesday ya'll puppy

It's another beautiful day in AL. I have more book cooking to do, some cleaning, some dog walking, and then we shall see. wavegirl


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106882
04/11/17 11:29 AM
04/11/17 11:29 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Sorta Blonde Offline
BAAG Specialist
Sorta Blonde  Offline
BAAG Specialist

Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 9,843
San Diego, CA
Wow Joe! You tired me out just reading all the stuff you do. Guess I won't do anything today cause now I'm too worn out to do anything. rotfl


WARNING! This person is extremely blonde...please type SLOWLY.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106893
04/11/17 03:07 PM
04/11/17 03:07 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Hi Boomers!!
I thought I would shock everyone by stopping by to say how much I really do miss you!! All of you!! I am still caring for my mum which is taking almost every bit of my energy and time and it is still easier logging on and saying Hi from my pc. Mostly I live on FB through my phone as that has somehow become my new normal. I do want to return here on a regular basis but so far my dear Mum is beating all the odds by still being here after having vascular dementia since around 2008. She turned 97 last month and is much like the proverbial Timex watch.... Hugs and loves to all of you!!! Lotus


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106895
04/11/17 03:44 PM
04/11/17 03:44 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
Lotus, it's so good to see you again. Do you have anyone helping you with your mom?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106897
04/11/17 04:04 PM
04/11/17 04:04 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,739
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,739
In the Naughty Corner
joy Lotus!! I know I get the pleasure of talking to you on FB, but I really miss you here! Joe will be so happy to see you too!Q hearts


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1106899
04/11/17 04:15 PM
04/11/17 04:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,351
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,351
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Ana,

We got those big storms this morning but it is nice now. smile


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106907
04/11/17 05:10 PM
04/11/17 05:10 PM
Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,739
In the Naughty Corner
BrownEyedTigre Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
BrownEyedTigre  Offline
The Sassy Admin and PR Liaison
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Jan 2004
Posts: 80,739
In the Naughty Corner
Glad they passed through! Did you get hail too?


Don't feed the Trolls
Re: Tuesday's [Re: BrownEyedTigre] #1106908
04/11/17 05:54 PM
04/11/17 05:54 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,351
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,351
Upper Arlington, Ohio
No hail but really heavy rain with thunder and lightning. eek


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106916
04/11/17 06:57 PM
04/11/17 06:57 PM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 977
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 977
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Good morning Everyone hope you have a great Day/Night... penguin

Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106917
04/11/17 06:59 PM
04/11/17 06:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
Good morning Taintedfury, how is everyone in your life these days?


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: looney4labs] #1106920
04/11/17 08:15 PM
04/11/17 08:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,351
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Space Quest Fan Offline
Graduate Boomer
Space Quest Fan  Offline
Graduate Boomer

Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 16,351
Upper Arlington, Ohio
Good night Boomers. sleep


It's nice to be important but it is much more important to be nice.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106921
04/11/17 08:16 PM
04/11/17 08:16 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,772
Alabama
soot Offline
Puzzled Moderator
soot  Offline
Puzzled Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33,772
Alabama
Thanks TaintedFury laugh You have a wonderful afternoon!

Have a good evening everyone...hope it's a quiet one for you wave2


Dan
To learn, read...To know, write...To master, teach...To live, play games & listen to whale music
Stay Smart & Stay Safe
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106926
04/11/17 09:15 PM
04/11/17 09:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
looney4labs Offline
Moderator
looney4labs  Offline
Moderator
Sonic Boomer

Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 48,834
Alabama
Night, Space. Sweet dreams sleep


"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole."
-Roger Caras
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106932
04/11/17 09:49 PM
04/11/17 09:49 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Lotus777 Offline
Addicted Boomer
Lotus777  Offline
Addicted Boomer

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,295
Oregon
Hi Looney4Labs!! It's so good to see everyone's familiar titles and names!! And no, I am pretty much the main doer. She DOES have a friend that comes most evenings and stays from eight or so til around midnight. They have been buddies for over 30 years and it was their habit so her friend watches tv while she wanders around doing what she does... she is usually ready to sleep before her friend leaves so this has been a life saver for me. My husband always has my back too. Hi sweet Ana, yes, you are one of my special FB friends!! I so love your creative ability with your camera!! Hey Joe, you are so busy you might just as well have never retired!! Off I go!! I will stop by again, I hope, in the near future.


Lotus
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
Re: Tuesday's [Re: gymcandy1] #1106958
04/12/17 06:35 AM
04/12/17 06:35 AM
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 977
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Taintedfury Offline
Settled Boomer
Taintedfury  Offline
Settled Boomer

Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 977
RURAL - SEYMOUR VICTORIA, MELB...
Hi Looney4Labs thanks, good thanks just very tired hubby in a lot of pain still so having to do shopping by travelling by Bus with trolley in hand, on the bright side at least we've got a break from the horrible rainy weather and currently have nice sunshine here..

Have a nice day.. lab

*********************************


Hi Soot your very welcome have a great day.. wavegirl

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